viernes, 26 de septiembre de 2008

Mi Destino

I’m a narcissist. Part of me actually believes the huge banking crisis is a sign by God pointing me to a new direction in my life. As if to say, “don’t go back into Investment Banking, do something that will truly make you happy. Besides, I’ve basically obliterated all of Wall Street anyway.”

So I’m on it. The second year of business school has begun, and I have another year to do something meaningful with my life. A few days ago, IESE sent us the rights to download the book “More Than Money – Questions Every MBA Must Answer” by Mark Albion about avoiding the traps of MBA culture to find your true calling. It was like God dropped that in my lap too.

“Being clear on what you really want is tough, particularly for high-powered MBAs. It’s important to remain connected to who you are and your inner needs that may have been drowned out by the noise of business school.”
-Mark Albion

One of the “Lifelines” explained in the book is “Don’t get really good at what you don’t want to do.” And so today, I dropped Managerial Decision Models (MADEM) in favor of Marketing of Experiences, Innovating Concepts & Media (MECMI). The truth was, I didn’t have any real interest in taking MADEM, other than getting a leg up on other modelers in the financial world. I have been doing models for 2 years as an IB analyst, and this summer in my PE job. But I didn’t really want to do it. I felt a sense of confidence wash over me because I made a decision based on what I wanted to do rather than something I should be doing to become a person I should become.

“More Than Money” also stipulates that a good way to find direction in your life is to analyse who you consider heroes and why you consider them so. I instantly went to my other webpage where I had posted a list of my heroes 2 years ago: Bill Clinton. Alvaro Uribe. Barack Obama. Al Gore. My Future Husband. Greg Behrendt. Sigmund Freud.

Considering the above, I realized that my heroes were all inspirational people. Most are politicians. But they all reached people with their beliefs, even when crowds were against them. They are strong personalities. They all wanted to make a difference, they did, and they still do. I guess that is what I want to do with my life.

Yesterday I stepped off the plane and into the Newark Airport before departing to Barcelona. And what I saw upon exiting the gate was a Juan Valdez Café. Immediately I could feel my heart leap inside my chest and a smile spread across my face. It was just like the ones I saw in Colombia… but in the States. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe it. Colombian businesses in the States! I felt so inexplicably happy, and without realizing what I was doing, I found myself walking right up to it. The coffee names were in Spanish. They had traditional American sandwiches and yogurt, but they also had Colombian Arepas! And the most delicious coffee in the world. I ordered a Café Cardamomo, with crushed cardamom. It had a distinctive flavour I have never tasted in a coffee before.

As I was drinking it, I read the text on the cup:

“Each coffee bean in this cup has been proudly grown, harvested and handpicked by coffee farmers in the Colombian mountains. This cup represents their hard work, pride, and love for their land and their culture. Juan Valdez Café makes it possible for them to obtain a better living for their work.”

I don’t know about you, but this little statement is more meaningful to me than all the Oscar Wilde quotes on all the Starbucks cups.

I remember the first time I went to a Juan Valdez Café. I was visiting my friend German in Bogota. There were people in line inside, outside chatting, happy, just like the scene at a normal Starbucks. Then he said to me, “You know, this is not what Colombia is really like. In reality, only 10% of Colombians can afford to have coffee here everyday, to have this lifestyle we have. 90% have a very low income.”

And I remember thinking I want to change this… somehow… I just don’t know exactly how.

And so, to tie everything together. Most of my heroes are politicians. I’m most passionate about the US legislature passing the free trade agreement between the US and Colombia, and then to other South American nations. Something innate awakens internally when I come across something culturally Colombian. I don’t know why. I believe it has something about the way Colombians seem so “free”. Same with people from New Orleans. And San Francisco I hear. And I just want to be free. I think from here it seems that I should take a management position in Juan Valdez or some other Colombian company and help it’s expansion in the US (US, because I love the US, know it well, and want to introduce Colombian culture there) & abroad in order to better the lives of the less fortunate people in Colombia. I know this does not sound like a job that an MBA would go around bragging about. It’s not made of money. It’s not Banking or Consulting. It’s not high-powered, self-promoting or glamourous. I just hope I have the courage to trust myself enough with this dream and not be lured by money or status again.

martes, 23 de septiembre de 2008

My New Orleans Welcome

A New Orleans Welcome

[Scene: Newark Airport.]

I'm sitting alone at the gate, reading a British Cosmo. Two men with southern accents are arguing next to me.

Suddenly, I sneeze.

Southern Guy #1: "Bless you!"
Me: "Thank you."

I look over, surprised someone actually said bless you. I had been sneezing all day, and no one ever said anything. It made me happy that someone was actually nice.

Southern Guy #1: "Hi, I'm Randy. And this is my friend David.
Me: "Hi. I'm Ann. Is this the gate to Houston? It says so on my ticket, but no one seems to be here yet."
Randy: "Yes, we're going to Houston too. Well actually, I'm taking another flight to New Orleans. I live there. And David here lives in Midland, Tx."
Me: "Get out! I used to live in New Orleans. I went to Tulane."
Randy: "Really! I love Tulane! That's a great school."
Me: "Yeah, I love Louisiana."
Randy: "Me too! I'm from Houma, right outside New Orleans. Lived there all my life. Look! I just got back from Croatia. Let me show you some pictures on my laptop!"

[Really, New Orleanians are this friendly.]

Randy: "I love my job! I get to travel all around the world and the pay is really good" Then he whispers to me, "But my job's really easy. You can certainly do my job. Shhh... don't tell anyone!"

We look at the pictures for a while and I notice both guys had wedding rings. And only the New Orleans guy is talking to me.

Randy: "I'm trying to travel as much as possible before I retire in couple of years."
Me: "Retire? Are you serious? How old are you? Late 30s?"
Randy: "I love you! No, I just turned 50."
Me: "Well you don't look over 40." (He had no grey hairs and smooth skin)
Randy: "I love you!!"

On the plane ride, I ended up sitting next to the other guy, David. I said it was really nice to meet a guy as fun and friendly as Randy. David told me that Randy treats all people like family, no matter what race, color, past, status. And his wife is exactly the same way. How refreshing to meet someone like this in the world. Someone who won't immediately judge or characterize you, who automatically assume you are a friend until you betray his trust. And still, at his age, he retained his youthful exuberance and innocence. He puts himself out there, a very caring, extroverted personality.

And I couldn't help but feel a little sad, because I used to be just like him. The whole city of New Orleans is full of these types of people. That is probably why I loved it so much. It really is a special place, like no other. Now I looked at myself and how guarded and cautious I've become, and I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

I speak often of my wish to feel "free" again. What I mean by that is to feel like Randy probably feels everyday.

domingo, 21 de septiembre de 2008

Bush: Trade deal with Colombia is in US interest

Finally.

One thing I liked about President Bush is that he pushes what he sees as right. And on this one thing, we see eye to eye.

One step at a time.

Bush: Trade deal with Colombia is in US interest
By DEB RIECHMANN (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
September 20, 2008 8:56 PM EDT

WASHINGTON - President Bush and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe renewed their push on Saturday for Congress to approve a free-trade deal before lawmakers leave town to campaign for re-election.

"It's in our economic interest that we continue to open up markets in our neighborhood, particularly with a nation that is growing like yours," Bush told Uribe in the Rose Garden. "And yet we can't get a vote out of Congress. I've been asking the Democrat leadership in Congress for a vote, and they've consistently blocked the vote."

Congressional Democrats say they are delaying votes on trade deals involving Colombia, Panama and South Korea until the Bush administration resolves questions about the impact on U.S. jobs and other issues. But time is running out on the legislative calendar. The Colombian pact was negotiated in late 2006.

Bush urged lawmakers to reconsider their opposition, but seemed resigned that it might not happen on his watch. Bush called Uribe an "honest man" who has responded to U.S. concerns about crime in Colombia and has been successful in reducing homicides, kidnappings and terrorist attacks.

"What happens in Colombia can affect life here in the United States," Bush said. "You've got a strong supporter here. And after I leave office, it's going to be very important for the next president and the next Congress to stand squarely by your side."

Uribe said a free-trade agreement would help increase U.S. investment in Colombia and provide jobs for people as an alternative to engaging in terrorism, illegal drug-trafficking and violence.

"Free trade agreement for us is the possibility to give certainty to investors for them to come to Colombia, and the more the investors come to Colombia, the less difficult for us to defeat terrorism," Uribe said. "Investment is the real alternative to illicit crops. Investment is the real possibility for our people to find high-quality jobs."

Later in the evening, Uribe was greeted at the North Portico by Bush and first lady Laura Bush, who had invited the Colombian president and other guests for a dinner of gazpacho, petite rib-eye steaks and coconut cake.

In remarks before dinner, Bush continued to pressure Congress to approve the free-trade deal while addressing a crowd of about 150 dinner guests, including members of the House and Senate, such as Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., and Sen. Blanche Lincoln, D-Ark.

"The American people, Mr. President, are proud to call the Colombian people our friends and our allies," Bush told Uribe in the White House's East Room. "My sincere hope is that the United States Congress will pass the Colombia free trade agreement as soon as possible."

In a toast, Uribe praised Bush for his "strong support to our policy" but promised this is not the end of a U.S.-Colombia relationship, which will continue to grow stronger.

In recent months, Bush has tried new ways to bolster his free-trade agenda. In May, a concrete mixer, crates of cauliflower, a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and chunks of cheese were displayed on the White House lawn as examples of a lopsided tariff structure the U.S. has with those three countries.

A White House event in July was billed as a celebration of the day in 1810 when Colombia declared its independence from Spain, but the main message was trade.

Union leaders are not sold on the plan.

On Friday, the Teamsters, which represents 1.4 million workers, protested Uribe's visit, saying he was trying to promote a trade deal that threatens American jobs. The Teamsters and members of other unions and Public Citizen's Global Trade Watch held signs and passed out fliers in front of the National Press Building.

With little hope the Colombian deal will be approved before Congress recesses for the November elections, Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., said that if there is a lame-duck session after the elections, lawmakers could ratify the agreement then.

"In light of recent divisive statements and rash actions by some Latin American leaders, ratification of the agreement would also send a strong signal to the region that the United States stands by its friends," said Lugar, top Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

Bolivia's president, Evo Morales, expelled the U.S. ambassador this month, accusing the diplomat of conspiring to oust him. Venezuela's president, Hugo Chavez, who claims the U.S. was behind a failed 2002 coup against him, quickly followed suit. "That's enough ... from you, Yankees," Chavez said, using a barnyard expletive.

---

sábado, 20 de septiembre de 2008

Documenting the Financial Crisis

I chose this article because it shows a side of the unique role investment banks play in society that sometimes people fail to appreciate. Although I don't intrinsically support the federal bank bailouts because it shows even more weakness in the financial systems (if we don't even believe in it, how do we expect the consumers to believe in it?), this story I'm sure is not unique to Lehman Brothers, but it does put a little sentimentality in the air. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Asi es la vida. But I still believe everything happens for a reason. When one door closes, another one opens.

Lehman lifeline was critical to chip maker AMD
By JORDAN ROBERTSON (AP Technology Writer)
From Associated Press
September 19, 2008 1:58 PM EDT

SAN FRANCISCO - With Advanced Micro Devices Inc.'s cash reserves dwindling and the chip maker's overall financial health deteriorating to dangerous levels last year, the company was thrown a lifeline by Lehman Brothers, the investment bank now in bankruptcy.

The $1.5 billion in AMD debt that Lehman scooped up in August 2007 demonstrates the important role that banks like Lehman and other investment firms play in helping prop up wobbly companies by pouring money into them when they're down.

The banks profit from the investment in so-called "convertible senior notes" through interest payments and the conversion of the debt into either cash or favorably priced shares delivered at some point in the future. Healthy companies also use the debt offerings to raise money on favorable terms to buy back stock or pay for other general expenses.

The Lehman-AMD deal is a snapshot of a common type of partnership that could be harder to come by with Lehman's bankruptcy and the disintegration or consolidation of other banks.

In AMD's case, Lehman's problems won't affect the Sunnyvale, Calif.-based company's balance sheet, which at the end of June showed AMD holding about $1.6 billion in cash while carrying $5.3 billion in debt.

That's because AMD has already spent the proceeds, and its debt offering was sold off by Lehman to other banks or held by its subsidiaries that are now being sold to other firms.

There were no clauses that required anything further of AMD other than paying interest on the investment and fulfilling the contracts when they reach their maturity date.

AMD declined to comment.

AMD used the cash infusion to pay down debt from its $5.6 billion acquisition of graphics chip maker ATI Technologies and for other corporate expenses.

Richard Lane, a fixed-income analyst with Moody's Investors Services who follows the high-tech sector, said that in today's environment, any company considering issuing long-term debt - even a company with solid fundamentals - could face challenges raising money.

Companies like AMD could also be at a disadvantage in selling short-term debt, also called short-term commercial paper. The strongest, most well-established technology names figure to be in the best position, as a crisis of confidence in the markets tends to drive a "flight to quality" by investors seeking the most stable companies, Lane said.

That includes two titans of the tech sector, International Business Machines Corp. and Hewlett-Packard Co., which use commercial paper to fund their operations and cover the cost of customer financing. IBM could have anywhere from $5 billion to $10 billion in commercial paper outstanding at any time, while HP generally has as much as $6 billion outstanding, according to Lane. Hewlett-Packard declined to comment, and IBM did not return a request for comment.
---

And a song, circulated to my MBA class, which popularizes the events that will soon go down in history. It's one thing when you are reading about these things in the History books, it's another when it is happening right in front of you. These are exciting times. And I wouldn't look at these times as failures. I would look at them as opportunities to change (and I'm not subconsciously pulling an Obama here). There is something just a little refreshing about being given the chance to make yourself over, and rediscover who you really are.

In memoriam: The ballad of the Lehman Bros. banker, sung to the tune of Don McLean¹s American Pie:

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
How much wealth there was in the Square Mile,
And I knew that if I had my chance,
I could make it in finance,
And maybe I¹d have money for a while.
But subprime assets made me shiver,
With every product I¹d deliver,
Bad news in the press(es),
Just look at those CDSs.
I can¹t remember if I cried,
When my salary was pushed aside,
But something resounded worldwide,
The week the IB died.
So bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die.
Why¹d Fuld wait, put all at stake,
Did he think he¹d make more at a later date?
Greedy finance tycoons,
Now Barclay¹s buying, let¹s be frank,
A pretty cheap investment bank,
Can you hire me, real soon?
Well, I know that it¹s a lot to ask,
When Einhorn¹s taken us to task,
Using our balance sheet to guise,
Our level 3 assets¹ demise.
Now Morgan Stanley¹s feeling short,
And BofA¹s Merrill¹s last resort,
The banking system¹s pretty morte,
The week the IB died.
I was saying,
Bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die.
Now for four years we¹d been on the phone,
Selling mezzanine CDOs,
But that¹s not how it used to be,
When Dick came in, we just did bonds,
Good thing he helped us right that wrong,
By buying Aurora Loan LLC,
Oh, and while the Fed was looking Oround,
They thought they¹d try and shoot us down,
The market was all broken,
Bank lending was a croakin¹,
And while we unwind our trading book,
The head hunters all have a look,
The hedge funds are put on the hook,
The week the IB died,
I was saying,
Bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die

viernes, 12 de septiembre de 2008

Obama and The Palin Effect

Deepak Chopra wrote a piece on the psychology playing out in our country right now via Palin and Obama, posted in the Huffington Post:

Obama and The Palin Effect


From: Deepak Chopra | Posted: Friday, September 5th, 2008

Sometimes politics has the uncanny effect of mirroring the national psyche even when nobody intended to do that. This is perfectly illustrated by the rousing effect that Gov. Sarah Palin had on the Republican convention in Minneapolis this week. On the surface, she outdoes former Vice President Dan Quayle as an unlikely choice, given her negligent parochial expertise in the complex affairs of governing. Her state of Alaska has less than 700,000 residents, which reduces the job of governor to the scale of running one-tenth of New York City. By comparison, Rudy Giuliani is a towering international figure. Palin's pluck has been admired, and her forthrightness, but her real appeal goes deeper.

She is the reverse of Barack Obama, in essence his shadow, deriding his idealism and exhorting people to obey their worst impulses. In psychological terms the shadow is that part of the psyche that hides out of sight, countering our aspirations, virtue, and vision with qualities we are not wanting to face: anger, fear, revenge, violence, selfishness, and suspicion of "the other." For millions of Americans, Obama triggers those feelings, but they don't want to express them. He is calling for us to reach for our higher selves, and frankly, that stirs up hidden reactions of an unsavory kind. (Just to be perfectly clear, I am not making a verbal play out of the fact that Sen. Obama is black. The shadow is a metaphor widely in use before his arrival on the scene.)

I recognize that psychological analysis of politics is usually not welcome by the public, but I believe such a perspective can be helpful here to understand Palin's message. In her acceptance speech Gov. Palin sent a rousing call to those who want to celebrate their resistance to change and a higher vision.

Look at what she stands for - symbolically and literally:

--Small town values -- a denial of America's global role, a return to petty, small-minded parochialism.

--Ignorance of world affairs -- a repudiation of the need to repair America's image abroad.

--Family values -- a code for walling out anybody who makes a claim for social justice. Such strangers, being outside the family, don't need to be heeded.

--Rigid stands on guns and abortion -- a scornful repudiation that these issues can ever be negotiated.

--Patriotism -- the usual fallback in a failed war.

--"Reform" -- an italicized term, since in addition to cleaning out corruption and excessive spending, one also throws out anyone who doesn't fit your ideology.

Palin reinforces the overall message of the reactionary right, which has been in play since 1980, that social justice is liberal-radical, that minorities and immigrants, being different from "us" pure American types, can be ignored, that progressivism takes too much effort and globalism is a foreign threat. The radical right marches under the banners of "I'm all right, Jack," and "Why change? Everything's OK as it is." The irony, of course, is that Gov. Palin is a woman and a reactionary at the same time. She can add mom to apple pie on her resume, while blithely reversing forty years of feminist progress. The irony is superficial; there are millions of women who stand on the side of conservatism, however obviously they are voting against their own good. The Republicans have won multiple national elections by raising shadow issues based on fear, rejection, hostility to change, and narrow-mindedness.

Obama's call for higher ideals in politics can't be seen in a vacuum. The shadow is real; it was bound to respond. Not just conservatives possess a shadow -- we all do. So what comes next is a contest between the two forces of progress and inertia. Will the shadow win again, or has its furtive appeal become exhausted? No one can predict. The best thing about Gov. Palin is that she brought this conflict to light, which makes the upcoming debate honest. It would be a shame to elect another Reagan, whose smiling persona was a stalking horse for the reactionary forces that have brought us to the demoralized state we are in. We deserve to see what we are getting, without disguise.

Through Different Eyes

Today I woke up, saw the flags at half mass. Was a little confused. It wasn't until I was signing a check today and wrote the date that it hit me: It was September 11.

I spent year in Europe. The 2 years before leaving I worked 100 hours a week so maybe life sort of passed as a blur. And before that I was in school. But coming back from Europe and seeing this anniversary memorial of 9/11... I found it sad. Like we were calling attention to the fact that we are still victims. It troubles me. Sure, we need to remember what happened. Sure, nothing will ever be the same. Sure, the world is a scary place. But when bad things happen, I believe we need to address our grievances head on.. and then move on.

It saddens me to read the news today, in the States. Obama. McCain. Palin. The war in Iraq: First, it was about WMD. Then, it was about freedom and championing Democracy. Now, it is about National Security. Apparently Sarah Palin just stated that it was God's will. It seems as though we are very lost. And at the same time, it seems as though we are so enthralled by our inner drama that nothing else in the world seems to matter.

Georgia once asked Ally McBeal the question "What makes your problems bigger than anyone else's?" She answered: "They're mine."

Meanwhile in Latin America, Bolivia and Venezuela both recently ousted the US ambassadors to their country saying that they were no longer welcome. "Hopefully, sooner than later, (the U.S.) will have a government that respects the peoples and the governments of Latin America," Chavez said. Perhaps the most appropriate answer to this is "Porque no te calles?" Or perhaps, there is some truth there.

And today, I saw a woman look through her purse trying to find enough money to buy dinner. All she had was a $5. The plate cost $5.17. I gave her a dollar. There are Americans hurting out there. The shopping centers are almost completely deserted, at any time of day. The gas bill is twice as much as it was before I left. These are hard economic times. And we're lost.

It troubles me.

jueves, 11 de septiembre de 2008

My Quest Continues


"I actually like the quest. The search. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to."
-ALLY MCBEAL


I'm not exactly lost. I'm in the general vicinity of happiness and self-actualization. I'm just a work in progress. During an episode of Ally McBeal, her therapist told her to select a theme song to describe her life. It has to be peppy. It has to pick you up. It has to have punch. I've always been a big believer of theme songs, and one song struck my senses with the intensity of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle perfume on a hot sunny day to describe my last day in Switzerland was this: "Otra Oportunidad" by Colombian artist Wamba.

On careers, a Swiss lawyer friend of mine had asked me why, since I spend all my free time writing (less) and dancing (more), I didn't consider a career in those fields. I couldn't tell him why at the moment, but then the answer came to me after some thought. When I dance or when I write, it is the only time I can feel free. When I have the impulse, I just have to express it. But if I am forced to dance, or if I must attach structure and deadlines to my writing, I begin to hate doing these things. It destroys the freedom. It destroys me. I learned to keep the artistic side of me a creative outlet rather than a living. If it is forced, for me, it can never be pure. It must come when it comes.

It is said that when there is some confusion about what career path you should take, you should go back to what you wanted to be when you were a little boy or girl...

We used to play this game in middle school. It's a game of chance, where among other things, you have to list your favorite prospective careers and such, and the outcome was supposed to bring together a unique combination of all your favorite things which would amount to your future. On this paper, I remember, I had my future jobs in this order - and now I understand why I chose them -

1) Pathologist (Intrinsically, I like to learn every little thing about a particular subject that interests me -- and some diseases do not have cures)
2) Psychologist (I wanted to help people somehow. And I was always, always interested in personality and the inner self)
3) Lawyer (I wanted authority and respect)

My mentor at IESE said that we choose our paths in life for a reason, and career changes shouldn't be taken lightly. Looking at this list above it was quite obvious why I went into Finance - the extrinsic rewards and the apparent power and respect, the exciting world of stocks, funds and M&A to satisfy boundless intellectual curiosity. Analysing a company now is just as exciting as researching a particular disease was to me back then. And that is why I chose Finance. Though it could have been, and probably should have been, Psychology.

sábado, 6 de septiembre de 2008

Are You Living the Wrong Life?




Your Life is 60% Off Track



Right now, you're taking things one day at a time.

Some things are going well, but you can't help but wonder if you're getting the most out of life.

It's time for you to slow down and reflect a little. You can change your life - but it's up to you!

viernes, 5 de septiembre de 2008

My Last Day In Switzerland

Tomorrow I fly back out to the States, it is my last day in Switzerland. What was so refreshing about Switzerland was how polite people were, how well behaved, how clean, and how everything ran on time. What I didn't like about Switzerland was how closed off most people were (I think I had the lowest date request ratio per time spent in an area since high school!). However, I did have some milestones I'll never forget.

- Built 3 operating models from scratch
- Got accretive / dilutive
- Went on a date with a guy in the Swiss military (in uniform!)
- Had aguardiente in Geneva on my birthday
- Actually enjoyed a job for the first time in my life (most of the time)
- Danced salsa on a ship
- Made a Brazilian wish
- Met a wonderful lawyer in Lugano

And amongst these milestones, today I learned I will not be getting a full time offer to return to Zug. I was expecting that for a couple of weeks actually, but I still stayed long hours because I knew I needed to learn. But during these last few weeks, I started to feel like something was missing. I loved my job, but it was so tiring, and I knew in my heart it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

A while back I had written in my journal that if money were not an issue, what I would most like to do with my life is work in some sort of low key financial analyst job, but after work I'd have time to go to dance practice every day. I would learn all these different types of salsa I'd always wanted to learn. Cumbia & zydeco via the clubs. I would learn samba and capoeira. I'd continue Spanish classes until I was fluent. All the things I never had time to do. And when I was leaving the office at 8 or 9PM everyday, although I only worked 70 hours this summer rather than 100 hours a week like in Banking, I still knew in my heart that something was missing.

I believe that if they had given me an offer, I would have taken it, even knowing this. I would spend the last of my 20s in an office, letting life pass me by. Why, because 1) it's a great job and I would be lucky to have it but also because 2) it's security. I won't have to worry about the unknown my last year of the MBA in a bearish economy. But, it's not everything I wanted. What I always fall for nowadays is security...

... But it didn't use to always be this way. I was at an almost identical fork in the road 3 years ago: I had to decide whether to get engaged to someone I had dated for 4 years, and had obviously loved once. He was a medical student, smart, funny, cute, considerate (sometimes)... but something was missing. I guess I always wanted to be the center of attention and wanted a guy to be in the spotlight with me, rather than on the sidelines. Despite it all, I still can't describe what exactly was missing. It just didn't feel in my heart, right, even though it was almost right, or right on paper. Back then I was a risk taker, and took my chances without him. I had confidence in my decisions because everything had always gone right for me. I was hopeful, but I was naive. And at that moment, like I do now, I felt free and that the world was ahead of me... but since then I suffered so much and still have not found that person that feels right. Maybe that's why now I would have chosen security over my heart - because there is no guarantee that it will ever work out. I guess it's just fear of the unknown. They say some would rather live with the evil they know rather than the evil they don't.

But I think the right thing happened for me. Now I know so much more of what I want, and I'll be more selective in my job search, and trust that the right one is out there for me...