Why I Love Dance

Pro skater Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas do the Mambo.


And here, the Paso Doble. Wonderful!

My Yellow Brick Road & MBAT

I'd like to start off my entry of self reflection with a profound quote by the President of the United States:

There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all. ... I can't think of anything more deep than that right now.
--George W. Bush

Washington, DC
03/13/2002

Since I decided that Risk Management might be the career I'm meant to be in, doors started openning for me and life started to get a little easier. It's almost like God finally gave me a break and every bad thing that could happen didn't actually happen to me anymore. Additionally, even some good things started happening to me. Maybe I'm finally finding my way after all.

So 2 weeks ago were the MBA Olympics in Paris, an event where some 20 top European business schools compete in various sporting activities. I was on the salsa team. We started practicing for this event very late, and had just wrapped up the full choreography literally 2 days before the show. There were 11 salsa teams competing in total, and as we watched them practice, we thought: man, there are some good dancers here. We ended up saying that no matter what happens, we are going to go out there and have the most fun possible. We ended up winning the silver medal, with LBS (London Business School) in 3rd, and Bocconi with the gold. We all were ecstatic.

The Performance:


The first night's party was pretty amazing. We had the LBS band on stage, and a nice atmosphere at HEC. When we got back to the hotel, Thilo, Bruno & I stayed talking outside with a beer until they closed the bar. The second night of course, was the salsa show. Later that night I became bored, but my new Spanish teammate Santi saved the day when we managed to dance the night away. Turned out to be a good night. The next day I went to Paris to see Florian and Olga. There I met Florian's super sweet friend with a Ph.D in Neuroscience Laurent. We ended up talking about neurons and risk management. The French men were awesome at showing us around their wonderful city. I absolutely loved Paris.

Perhaps the last day at MBAT in Paris was the best of all. I came back from the city quite late, missed the BBQ and headed down to the party and the open bar. The whole party atmosphere at HEC from the drinks to the music to the venue reminded me of college, and that made me very happy. After a few beers, I started meeting some of the LBS crowd. And in that crowd I've probably never met such a great dancer since New Orleans (where I was called the budi dancing queen but let's not get into that). I've never had this much fun dancing non-salsa since I was at Tulane. You know that saying "Dance like no one is watching?" Well we did, and everyone was watching. I ended up spending the night with the LBS crowd while I missed all the IESE/ESADE action which involved lots of singing "Te Quiero IESE", standing on tables with flags, wine pouring and Bonzai chants. But it was worth it. I really missed classic New Orleans partying that night...

I don't know why, but coming back from MBAT in Paris injected new life into me that I haven't felt in a long time. Things were going right, my struggling in almost all areas of life had subsided. I didn't feel like such a screw-up in school. I met some of the most wonderful people that give me butterflies. And I wasn't scared to ride a moto anymore. Maybe it was the lucky Portuguese rooster. Maybe God is finally giving me the thumbs up for my new direction in life. As JD in SCRUBS used to say, "Every so often a wizard comes along and tells you exactly what you need to hear." That we had the brains all along. Or that we had a heart all along. Or even that we had the courage all along. I don't know where my life will ultimately end up. All I know is that I'm just here, following my yellow brick road...

Occam's Razor, Revisited

The last time I had a crystalising moment about my life was when I was in the middle of writing my second ABP report, and I decided that Sales & Trading was what I wanted to do with my life. But today, as I was doing the reading for Entreprenuership (and deciding that being an entrepreneur was sooo not my thing), I had another crystalizing moment: I wanted to go into Risk Management.

I guess the difference between the 2 "crystalising moments" was that the first time occured at a time of immense stress when I was desperately grasping for anything meaningful in my life, and the other occured during a 4 day vacation, after I had received internship offers, and I committed myself to doing absolutely NOTHING. But the fact is, I had actually been thinking about Risk Management for a while. I remembered the time I was a trader for an internship, and the MBAs had Risk Management internships. They watched over the traders and calculated the VaR and positions held at the end of the day. They managed the traders, but didn't have to go through the heart attacks of actually trading the market. Risk managers would book hedge trades. (Hedging is like the theme of my life. Whenever I take a risk, whether it be love, money or whatever, I always worry about hedging the risk of getting hurt. I hate uncertainty. Maybe I finally got an outlet for it).

Looking back on this, there were signs: My first "crystalizing" moment, even though it wasn't entirely correct, pointed me back to the trading direction. The job description of a Risk Manager basically required a Masters degree in Math, Statistics or Finance. I had that. It required skill in statistics. Statistics was the only subject I had 100% in during college, and I was one of the best Econometrics students in the class. Subconsciously, I always mentioned hedging in my MBA reports; one time, the Operational Finance professor actually read my answer out loud: "We want commodity price hedging with futures!" One of my key strengths is written communication, and writing Risk Reports is exactly my idea of a great day, expecially when it gives me an outlet for my interest in Law. And finally I remembered a little thing I used to have on my resume but deleted it in order to make space for my IESE club list: I was KIODEX certified in Natural Gas Risk Management.

So while everyone was partying, traveling & such I spent my holiday in Barcelona contemplating the purpose of my life. Then I realized that everything does happen for a reason, and you have to trust yourself to go down the path that is most right for you. So Risk Management for now. There are still some things I have to learn, claro, but now I know how to plan my classes next year, and what to get out of my summer internship. I am very lucky.

My 2 Offer Day

I think God was tired of my whining.

Why don't I have a job?? Whyyy?!?!? or Why can't I get straight As anymore? What is wrong with me? Have I become retarded? Whyyyy?!?!


Let's deal with Straight A issue first. I don't think I've ever been able to deal with 100% of an IESE exam before. There have always been some doubts. I wondered what the secret to getting an A was in here. Now I know: You have to be a genius. Or you have to have worked in the subject before.

Last week (er, this week, we are still in the same week but have been on holiday for the past 2 days) I took the Corporate Finance & Economics exams. Those were my double majors in college. Never before had I known how to do 100% of the test here in my life. And as a Finance major, I thought the Corporate Finance test was a little unfair to beginners. Some of the things tested were not directly taught in class, but you had to be smart enough to infer them. I don't think I could have done that after only a month being introduced to such models. Plus, there was an obsure formula on the test we had to know, but I only remembered because when the professor briefly mentioned it in class, I thought: "Neat!" Most people were clueless to what that formula was. The economics test was completely doable and fair, I thought, but hearing people say that it was hard made me feel that I was not retarded having said that about all the other tests I've taken in this place.

And regarding the jobs. I used to hate it when people came up to me and ask what I was doing for the summer. It was like having your married friends ask you all the time whether you are seeing anyone. Mind your own business!! :) Joking. But now that I'm part of the working crowd, I no longer feel that despair... and about being single, well, that's just not that important to me right now.

So after the Economics just I checked my mail. I received a great offer from Charity Bank in London! It would be a very pleasant, laid back summer working for them, plus I would have time to hang out with my IBD friends up there as well (whenever they don't work 16 hours a day). I was happy. And then I checked my messages. I had received a call from Pala Investments inviting me to become a Summer Associate at their boutique financial firm. It was almost like a miracle had occured. And then I had another interview that day to do a research project for IESE. Anyways, I spoke to the Pala people a couple of times to discuss the offer, and I think I'm going to take it. It would provide a great deal of valuation and more public & private transaction experience in the commodity sector. Just what I need -- I want to get into to commodity Risk Management someday. It would be a challenge, but I've got to appreciate it. Plus I would be living in Switzerland.

When I came home, Felix asked me why I wasn't excited about the offers. I really was happy, because I can finally relax a little on my future. But I guess I had just no more energy to give. I was burned out.

You Are 79% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

On Wednesday I was supposed to go party at Mary's place. I couldn't get out of bed. And on weekends I haven't had a social life lately due to the fact that I need to sleep 14 hours a day. This holiday I chose to do nothing. I sleep at least 12 hours a day. I read. I ponder life, and where I want to be in the future. I just need this break... to do... nothing. :)