Head or Heart?

Sometimes I think I lived my life backwards. I used my head and logic more when I was a kid, and it took me down a path that was, albeit interesting, not one that made me happy. In this MBA I had to figure out how to use my heart for the first time. I admit, not a good place to begin to use one's heart.

Someone asked me today why I was involved with producing the school Yearbook. I said it was because I always wanted to that in high school, but ended up starting & running my own clubs instead. And it was in high school that I decided I wanted to be an Investment Banker. Nothing could stop me from this goal. I approached banks directly and asked for internships until I got one. I thought college was a waste of time. I wanted to be an Investment Banker now. And I knew I could do it. I majored in Finance & Economics and was engrossed in my subjects. I ignored that tiny part inside of me that loved Psychology and Sociology. And the fact that I had extraordinary empathy.

Well I finally became an Investment Banker. And then I realized I hated it. Well, I think it was more the stage of life I had reached by the time I became a banker. I had peaked too early and was already considering people and relationships as more important than power and money. I blame this on being a woman. After my whole life energy was dedicated to becoming a banker, I had to find something else to do. This is a significant blow to the self identity.

So up until now I had used logic to decide my career. Had I learned to listen to my heart as a kid, I would probably be in a completely different place right now, in a career more suitable for my talents. I would have been involved in yearbook and the school newspaper in high school instead of the Math Club. Maybe I'd have gone into journalism. In college I'd have majored in Psychology & Sociology instead of Finance & Economics. Maybe I'd be a Psychologist with a nice 8-6 job where I get to talk to people all day. I think the best part of the job would be seeing the same person over & over again and developing them enough to see results. But one has to be detached enough to not let that person's problems affect you. Even so, that sounds a lot more fun than excel modeling.

But despite the horrific economy, I think I'll find the right job for me soon. It will be something having to do with Client Advisory or Managing People. And it will be in a vibrant city. I just wonder what and where it will be...