Occam's Razor, Revisited

The last time I had a crystalising moment about my life was when I was in the middle of writing my second ABP report, and I decided that Sales & Trading was what I wanted to do with my life. But today, as I was doing the reading for Entreprenuership (and deciding that being an entrepreneur was sooo not my thing), I had another crystalizing moment: I wanted to go into Risk Management.

I guess the difference between the 2 "crystalising moments" was that the first time occured at a time of immense stress when I was desperately grasping for anything meaningful in my life, and the other occured during a 4 day vacation, after I had received internship offers, and I committed myself to doing absolutely NOTHING. But the fact is, I had actually been thinking about Risk Management for a while. I remembered the time I was a trader for an internship, and the MBAs had Risk Management internships. They watched over the traders and calculated the VaR and positions held at the end of the day. They managed the traders, but didn't have to go through the heart attacks of actually trading the market. Risk managers would book hedge trades. (Hedging is like the theme of my life. Whenever I take a risk, whether it be love, money or whatever, I always worry about hedging the risk of getting hurt. I hate uncertainty. Maybe I finally got an outlet for it).

Looking back on this, there were signs: My first "crystalizing" moment, even though it wasn't entirely correct, pointed me back to the trading direction. The job description of a Risk Manager basically required a Masters degree in Math, Statistics or Finance. I had that. It required skill in statistics. Statistics was the only subject I had 100% in during college, and I was one of the best Econometrics students in the class. Subconsciously, I always mentioned hedging in my MBA reports; one time, the Operational Finance professor actually read my answer out loud: "We want commodity price hedging with futures!" One of my key strengths is written communication, and writing Risk Reports is exactly my idea of a great day, expecially when it gives me an outlet for my interest in Law. And finally I remembered a little thing I used to have on my resume but deleted it in order to make space for my IESE club list: I was KIODEX certified in Natural Gas Risk Management.

So while everyone was partying, traveling & such I spent my holiday in Barcelona contemplating the purpose of my life. Then I realized that everything does happen for a reason, and you have to trust yourself to go down the path that is most right for you. So Risk Management for now. There are still some things I have to learn, claro, but now I know how to plan my classes next year, and what to get out of my summer internship. I am very lucky.

My 2 Offer Day

I think God was tired of my whining.

Why don't I have a job?? Whyyy?!?!? or Why can't I get straight As anymore? What is wrong with me? Have I become retarded? Whyyyy?!?!


Let's deal with Straight A issue first. I don't think I've ever been able to deal with 100% of an IESE exam before. There have always been some doubts. I wondered what the secret to getting an A was in here. Now I know: You have to be a genius. Or you have to have worked in the subject before.

Last week (er, this week, we are still in the same week but have been on holiday for the past 2 days) I took the Corporate Finance & Economics exams. Those were my double majors in college. Never before had I known how to do 100% of the test here in my life. And as a Finance major, I thought the Corporate Finance test was a little unfair to beginners. Some of the things tested were not directly taught in class, but you had to be smart enough to infer them. I don't think I could have done that after only a month being introduced to such models. Plus, there was an obsure formula on the test we had to know, but I only remembered because when the professor briefly mentioned it in class, I thought: "Neat!" Most people were clueless to what that formula was. The economics test was completely doable and fair, I thought, but hearing people say that it was hard made me feel that I was not retarded having said that about all the other tests I've taken in this place.

And regarding the jobs. I used to hate it when people came up to me and ask what I was doing for the summer. It was like having your married friends ask you all the time whether you are seeing anyone. Mind your own business!! :) Joking. But now that I'm part of the working crowd, I no longer feel that despair... and about being single, well, that's just not that important to me right now.

So after the Economics just I checked my mail. I received a great offer from Charity Bank in London! It would be a very pleasant, laid back summer working for them, plus I would have time to hang out with my IBD friends up there as well (whenever they don't work 16 hours a day). I was happy. And then I checked my messages. I had received a call from Pala Investments inviting me to become a Summer Associate at their boutique financial firm. It was almost like a miracle had occured. And then I had another interview that day to do a research project for IESE. Anyways, I spoke to the Pala people a couple of times to discuss the offer, and I think I'm going to take it. It would provide a great deal of valuation and more public & private transaction experience in the commodity sector. Just what I need -- I want to get into to commodity Risk Management someday. It would be a challenge, but I've got to appreciate it. Plus I would be living in Switzerland.

When I came home, Felix asked me why I wasn't excited about the offers. I really was happy, because I can finally relax a little on my future. But I guess I had just no more energy to give. I was burned out.

You Are 79% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

On Wednesday I was supposed to go party at Mary's place. I couldn't get out of bed. And on weekends I haven't had a social life lately due to the fact that I need to sleep 14 hours a day. This holiday I chose to do nothing. I sleep at least 12 hours a day. I read. I ponder life, and where I want to be in the future. I just need this break... to do... nothing. :)

My New Artist

I've become quite a fan of David Fonseca:

2 Different Worlds

Do you ever feel like you are perfect right where you are, then you come in contact with your past somehow, and although it feels right at the moment, you can't help but want to go back where you were?

I'm happy in Spain, I am. I love the European life. There are some things I never want to give up: men in suits on motos, great culture & architecture, the fact that you don't need a car to get around, diverse people far more aware of internationalization than Americans... I love it here. And I have been concentrating my whole job search with the goal never to return to the United States again.

But then I caught up with a friend of mine back in Houston who does Cancer research for MD Anderson. He just performed in a salsa show:

And I guess I missed the times where I was the investment banker from Wachovia, he was the PhD from MD Anderson, and we met 3 days a week for salsa. And he was always the one I had the most dancing chemistry with... ever. And as I looked at his MySpace page & remembered all the Houston attractions I used to visit... I kind of missed my life there. But I guess I have a new one here.

It's definitely different. I don't know if one is better for me than the other, but I do know that I am developing at a fast rate over here. You only realize how much you've grown when you stop and look at how different you are from the person you once were in the life you once had. And I'm learning to be a good manager. So one day my company's loo would look a little like this...



Just kidding.

My McBealism

"I think I need to believe that it works."

"That what works?"

"Love. Couplehood. Partnerships. The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I go to bed at night, even if I go to bed alone. That's a McBealism."

My Advanced Degree

In about 12 months, I will be graduating with an MBA, the right complement to my Masters in Finance? Still trying to figure out life. And when I received feedback on my first Ethics quiz, it said: "You seem to be well versed in Law. Great report. A." I never took a law class; the only law I know is from Ally McBeal.

Then, upon screwing around, I unexpectedly get this quiz output:

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless. You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

And even though I seem to be adapting well to the MBA, I couldn't help but ask myself, is this where I'm meant to be?

My Lucky Portuguese Rooster

My lucky Portuguese rooster sits atop a Euro pedestal on my desk. Legend has it that the inhabitants of the town arrested a Galician they suspected of a serious crime and condemned him to death by hanging. The prisoner emphatically declared his innocence and to the amazement of his accusers he pointed to the roasted cockerel on the table and said that his innocence would be proved by the crying of the bird should they attempt to kill him. At the very moment he was about to be hanged the roasted cockerel stood up and began crying. He was immediately set free. Ever since I brought one of those back from Portugal, it's like I entered a new era in life: an era where once when things used to be at a standstill, now are moving...

My internship search is still going, but I've got final rounds at Novartis and an interview at Charity Bank.

Today we had the selection of the Salsa Club for MBA Olympics. Although there were enough guys, there were too many girls. Our choreographer Pedro made the selection & then told us we would be performing a Casino Rueda routine to a salsa version of "Grease." I was soooo excited to hear that! Creativity, originality, lots of flirtiness. It sounded more than perfect. It seemed that we picked the right guy to choreograph.



While in class, everything started to come together somehow. All the classes seemed easy to me now, I was not lost in any, and doing cases became second nature to me. Probably because the only quantitative class yet was Corporate Finance, and I could do that in my sleep... I finally felt comfortable speaking in class. I felt I finally "got it." All those cases finally are paying off.

And our classes seem to have mellowed to my liking. Section A is devising classic schemes to mess with the professors like quoting Beatles & Queen songs during a comment, or having the entire section A class simultaneously call the entire section B class at a predetermined time. Or random challenges:

The first:

10 points to anyone who executes a 360 degree spin in their desk chair.
Venga!

The next:

Tomorrow, enter class at 11:14 and elevate your desk chair to its highest level.
Then, at *exactly* 11:20, Ching Hsiang will yawn, stretch both arms into the air, lean back and lower his seat to its lowest level. Everyone surrounding him will follow and lower their seat, and a wave will radiate out from Ching Hsiang around the classroom, ending on the far side. **This will occur no matter what else is happening at the time**.

Please synchronize your watches with the classroom clock.

My favorite:

Equipo Gigante,

OK, we've done chairs and songs. Now for something that takes a bit more courage. The challenge during leadership is to raise your hand, get called on, begin talking, and then get up, *without asking for permisssion*, and draw a diagram on the board to illustrate your point.

Extra points if the diagram has no resemblance to what you are talking about. Example:
you: "I love leadership as you can clearly see from this square I've just drawn." Actually, you've just drawn a triangle.

Follow the leader!

And our Team A8 dinner last night got me starting to think about life & this MBA. 3 members of our old A8 had moved to Section C, and in exchange, 3 new members from the Spanish section came to our group. We had dinner at a Chilean restaurant (2 were from Chile). And I thought... I will always remember our old team A8 because we have been through the trenches together. We suffered... alot. And seeing them still makes me feel like family, even if they are now in the Spanish section. But on the other hand, I am starting to feel the same for our new members. I love them all. They have brought a new ambiance to the group, and a new personality. Everyone at IESE is just so talented, and so genuine. The Admissions Staff really do a great job selecting. But sometimes you need to relax the constraints to let this out. And as we learned in Leadership, it is only when you go through the trenches that you learn to appreciate the actual gift -- what we actually came here for. It's like I said before: Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy.

MBA 1Q08 Progress Report & YE Guidance

At the end of the last term, last year, I posted a report on how I was doing. As this period marks the end of companies' quarterly earnings period, it also marks the end of my 2nd trimestre at IESE.

1Q08 Guidance vs. Actual Results:
-Solidify intermediate term career path (meaning next summer) with an internship in Sales & Trading.
Well, Sales & Trading didn't exactly work out as planned. The bankers said that I was not aggressive enough, too "nice" and I couldn't multiply 19x23 in my head. So now I'm exploring other career options...
-Increase confidence by speaking up more in class. I must let go of this fear that what I say is insignificant.
I did try to speak up more in class, but only when I had something truly significant and relevant to say. Although some days were harder than others, I basically stuck to quality over quantity and didn't pressure myself to speak for the sake of speaking.
-To not be afraid to submerge myself into Spanish. This may be my last chance to live in Spain.
I think my biggest hurdle with that was to stay motivated with Spanish classes. Our professors Pablo & Reina were HORRIBLE. Then all of a sudden Reina disappeared and we got Carlos to come in (Pablo still helps but I basically ignore him.) Carlos is amazing. He treats us with a certain level of professional & individual respect. I would have quit the program if it weren't for him.
-To not be afraid to let go and let the "career river" take me along for a ride. Not everything has to be planned.
This is probably the only thing I hit right on the spot. Basically I'm just floating around in the career river and praying that someone takes me ashore... Maybe Novartis...




As far as investment recommendations, I had put a buy on my professional life, a sell on my social life, and a hold on my school performance. The actual results were more surprising. My professional life took a dive with the banking interviews leaving me clueless about career paths, hard economic times (and probably fate) kept me from a job, and I'm just waiting for that right one to come along. My social life was not so bad. Although there were a few blips, it was not nearly as hard as first trimestre. I would say it has stabilized. Or maybe I'm still in denial. School performance was qualitatively better but quantitatively worse. Although I feel I am learning and contributing more, because of the stress of the job hunt, Spanish and the economy, the term was hard, but not harder than expected.

2Q08 Guidance:
Goals for next Quarter:
- Try to make the most out of the second years. Soon they will graduate, and I know I'll miss them, so I have to be conscious to hang out with them as much as possible before they leave. :(
- Get a strong salsa program ready for the MBA Olympics & enjoy performing in front of a crowd. I love being in front of an audience, but I have to remember to just have fun.
- Get a job.

The other day I was thinking about the last time I was truly happy. I've decided that it was when I was at Tulane, when I was thinking like an Economist (which was one of my majors). I remember leaving my purse on a crowded bus DURING MARDI GRAS and me not worrying a bit because it was a sunk cost. That day I got my purse back. At that time, I made decisions on the margin, considered opportunity cost & incentives, and rendered the past irrelevant to present decisions. Instead of letting bad things in the past haunt me, I took inventory of what I had now and made decisions rationally. It took a Global Economics course to bring back some Zen into my life.

Though I still miss New Orleans from time to time.