My Roadtrip to Houston

I never realized how much I missed Houston until I came back this year. As I passed by certain streets, random memories began to pop up. Like where I used to drop off the pitch books for the MDs and Ds (Managing Directors of Investment banks, not medical doctors), shopping spots, concert spots, excellent restaurants, casual Sunday brunch places, salsa hideouts. And as I drove through these places, I began to channel how I was feeling at the time, 2 years ago, when I lived there. I was mostly stressed, anxious, worried, frazzled. It is always strange experiencing your past as a future you.

Anyways that's when I regretted not appreciating my job enough as an investment banker. It really was a neat job, albeit stressful. I liked the responsibility, the structure, the teamwork. Back then I just didn't have the maturity to handle the stress effectively, or to fully comprehend the meaning of everything I was doing. And now... I think I would like the job, but that's just because I understand myself a lot better now. I didn't back then.

So my trip to Houston started with a drive down to my favorite teahouse on Shepard and Westheimer. A few hours later, had dinner with a salsa friend, then left to another salsa party of for Terri's birthday at Byzantine Cafe.



There was quite a lot of dancing. But I can say, nothing feels better than working up a sweat dancing salsa for 3 hours (with people who can actually dance).

Photos courtesy of Facebook.

After the party, went out to drinks at Baker Street Pub with an old college friend from Louisiana. And the bar was so... Anglo Saxon, it was nice after so long in Spain. I really appreciate those English pubs with loud American music. Feels like home.

The next day was lunch at Hooters with Trey and then went to a coffee shop and did more work on the laptop. Was messaged by another friend from Tulane who *surprise!* was going to start grad school in Houston. It was amazing. It seemed like everyone I knew was in Houston. And I guess I missed it. Went out to for a midday snack with a realtor friend of mine from salsa class and then drove back home to Austin...

I have mixed feelings about Houston. I definitely missed the place, and it seemed like everyone I knew was there, and to stay. But on the other hand, I didn't really find what I was looking for when I was there. But the question is, would I find it anywhere else?

My Quote of the Day

Just as the salmon knows not discouragement in its upstream journey, so should it be with any endeavor. One should sense a destiny and relentlessly pursue its realization despite its perceived impossibility.
- Daniel DiLorenzo

Jan Simon's Management Lessons

Upon the last day of ADVIN class, Jan stood up and congratulated us for our hard work and determination. Then he gave us some words of wisdom when managing people, some words that resonated with me in his ALTIN hedgefund class. They are as follows:

1) Care for your employees
2) Take the role of mentoring seriously
3) Understand your responsibilities
4) When you have friends, think you have treasures
5) Management is not a popularity contest; your relationship with subordinates will not be the same as your relationship with your best friend
6) People make errors
7) If people don’t play ball, fire them
8) Stand up for and protect your employees
9) Choose your battles wisely
10) Be very selective when making enemies.

I knew that kind of thing came naturally to me. And that got me to thinking again about my life path, especially upon reading a paragraph from one of my books that goes a little like this:

“The main reason people get stuck in a rut is that they can’t let go of an unhealthy goal, a goal that is not truly in their hearts. Often these goals are core aspects of our self-definition.”

And I thought about my love-hate relationship with banking. It’s all I ever grew up believing that I was. It had become my identity, and it’s pretty scary to leave something like that behind. I think a lunch with a first year helped clarify my dreams. He was asking me for advice on attaining an internship with Pala Investments, the company I worked for over the summer. And as we got deeper into the conversation, he said something surprisingly honest, and genuine: “I just wish I could open up a bar in a great city, and relax, make drinks all night, take it easy.” And then I tilted my head up to the left, my day dream stance, and replied, “I wish I could just campaign for someone I really believe in. Travel around the world, promote him, meet new people everyday, get to know what they are interested in, and find out how my candidate can help them. The energy all around me. That would be really thrilling.”

And that’s when I thought…. I’m making progress.

Annex:

Yang’s Trading Words of Wisdom (from presentation in Jan Simon’s ADVIN class, one which the class could not keep from laughing the entire time - me the loudest):

“The Market is king and the devil. You are nothing.”

“Intrinsic value is crap…You don’t have to know everything about a company. It’s not your love.”

“You know what the 8th Sin is? Overconfidence. Never trust yourself. Just trust the market.”

And some Words of Wisdom from me:

“Considering all that’s happened in the markets these days, we often forget that the truly fortunate are those that wear their gold in their hearts and not on their sleeves.”

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays.

My Airport Adventures, Part III

It undeniably happens every time I fly from Barcelona to Austin: I get caught in some kind of airport shenanigans. So I arrive 2 hours early to my British Airways flight (after missing 3 flights out of this airport in the past 2 years and having lost more than 3,000 Euros in these types of mistakes, I try to avoid as much risk as I can.) At the Barcelona airport I do some light shopping at Massimo Dutti, and at the Heathrow Airport in London I decide to pick up a Josh Groban CD on a whim.

Well the British Airways flight was delightful. The first class seating looked incredible with its intricate maze of seats and spaciousness (too bad I was in coach) that I had never seen before. The coach seats were nice too. I got a few bloody marys gratis (I’m used to paying, this is strange and delightful to me) and wine with this pretty nice dinner. There were a lot of choices for movies and TV shows, even music. I chose to revisit the ABBA musical “Mamma Mia!” again and swooned from the red wine I had with dinner. (Honey Honey, how he thrills me, uh huh!) Later I ended up making a playlist of Mana songs from the touchscreen while I read my book. It was a very pleasant flight. Only funny thing was that the welcome pack they gave us had a toothbrush set in long black bullet casing that looked suspiciously like… not a toothbrush set.

Maná Manda Una Señal
Uploaded by arco_iris

Well I get to the Chicago airport an hour late, and the customs checks were taking a while, so it turned out I’d have to stay the night in Chicago. That, and they took my Spanish chorizo I was bringing back home for mom. Dammit.

So I’m at a hotel in Chicago writing this. I fly out to Austin in the morning. Tonight, it’s snowing outside. The streets are covered with beautiful white power. It is only the second time I have ever seen snow. It’s almost heavenly. But inside my hotel room, I crank up the heat, lay out on my king size bed and order room service: Asian noodles with Portobello mushrooms and a diet coke. I turn on the Josh Groban CD full volume and veg out. Life is good.

My Best Day of the MBA - A lesson in leadership

I think that you can learn a lot about a person by what makes them intrinsically happy (as opposed to extrinsic happiness which is influenced by external rewards, and transcendental happiness which is based on collective, more spiritual factors). So in the same spirit of intrinsic happiness, Wednesday, December 10th was probably the happiest day I've ever had at the MBA program IESE.

I awoke at 7AM, had a ride with Guillermo to Marketing class, it was our last class. The next class was Corporate Communications; when I walk in, late, the teacher marvels at "what a smart lady" I am (I had balls to make an impromptu speech which he said had bumped my grade significantly). I like that guy. I didn't get around to making my next speech about the influence of personality on the type of leader you become, but I figured I'd do it next time.

After class I went prepare for the hedge fund presentation we had to make for Jan Simon's Alternative Investment class. For 3 months, I volunteered in my first real leadership position in the MBA program, to lead a hedge fund team and manage alternative investments. At times it was a difficult task, and most of the team members I did not know much about personally, but by the end of the term we became quite close. I think I big part of it was because I enforced structure in the beginning, then autonomy afterward. I was not a micromanager or a bulldriver. I basically showed my team my own strengths and vulnerabilities, and I entrusted the team to express their own in order to cooperate and contribute fairly and effectively. This was a huge investment in trust. Usually, I have a problem with leadership, because I lack the confidence to make decisions, but in this class I took it easy and let my intrinsic love for Finance drive my choices.

For me, although a professional life is important, one's personal life should never be taken for granted. If someone had another commitment, we'd cover for him, and sometimes I had these commitments too. But what surprised me though, is that those who had to skip meetings always volunteered extra work for next time. I know that does not always happen. It showed respect, and I appreciated that. I know that not all the other teams was as cohesive as ours. They'd nominate 1 or 2 people to complete the investment ideas for that week so that the others could have a break. I know I could have done the same, but I wanted everyone to be involved in the whole process, even if it did take up more time. I also remember some people making horrendous trading errors (me included, I had accidentally bought Legg Mason instead of Lonmin, after which I promptly assigned the trading job to someone else), but my first reaction to that was not to worry, inform Jan of the mistake, and to remind everyone that these things happen - we are human. If we lose our ranking, getting angry won't help us get it back. I don't want anyone to ever be afraid to be completely themselves around me, to show me the good and the bad, or to express their creativity. I believe in this way they will give me their best, unedited, work. I found in this class, everyone's true strengths became apparent, and we ended up having a very complementary, well rounded team.

As my friend Matthew stated before, our fund "ate it" at the beginning, moving to second to last place, but then we jumped up to 3rd in the final results for absolute return. Well today we had to give our presentation. Steven and I would speak. I had on a pinstriped Zara suit and Massimo Dutti scarf, my power combo with a touch of femininity. I introduced the fund, our team, our investment style and process, then turned it over to Steven who explained the financials, a case study, risk management and other technicals. Then I closed and asked for the money. The judges were former IESE financial professionals and investment managers, and they were in charge of the monetary allocations to each of the 8 funds in the class, which would equate to 40% of the overall grade.

The Team at Work (missing: Yang Jin)

Now I will be honest: I am not a compelling speaker. Most of my speeches fall upon deaf ears with my audience looking down to check their blackberries as I enthusiastically speak about Law, trading or mutual funds. Apparently these topics are boring to most. (But hey, action movies are boring to me but apparently not to half the world population!) However I found that when speaking about Finance, to Finance professionals, I have found my niche. I guess I always thought of my speeches as boring, but that day, I was "professional." It was nice to hear.

After the speech, we had the annual "Copa de Cava" with the Dean in the new building. I listened to the Dean's heartfelt Christmas speech, then had some cava with the exchange students. This was a very happy moment for me, because I was around people I loved - and most of them had been the exchange students. They were all so open and appreciative of their time here. We all became so close. Although some had already left, it will be sad to see them go.

And as my professional life was finally fulfilling, my personal life was finally as well. I ended up having a nice dinner and some wonderful conversation, which I enjoyed very much. And at the end of the night, my Brazilian wish came true.

I came home and checked my email to find the following email from Jan:

Hi Ann,

Your final allocation is USD 280 Mio. With the distribution being as follows:

1. USD 280 Mio
2. USD 230 Mio
3. USD 200 Mio
4. USD 190 Mio
5. USD 90 Mio
5. USD 90 Mio
7. USD. 60 Mio
7. USD 60 Mio

As said in class I think this year has been the strongest so far. A testimony of this is that all teams got money allocated. Other years we had between 2 and 4 teams which left without any allocation. So for the entire class it is a job well done. I was very pleased with the quality of yours and others presentation.


Many thanks and all the best to your team members.

Merry Christmas,
Jan

We got top allocation! I really couldn't believe it. And that's when I thought, this must be what happiness feels like, just for me.

"The Square Root of Three," A Poem by Kumar Patel

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
The love for me has been renewed

IESE Video Essay

This week, BusinessWeek will release its MBA program rankings. A few weeks ago, BusinessWeek asked students of some MBA programs, including us at IESE, to submit a creative video piece answering the question: Why should your MBA program be ranked #1?

We answered with a SHORT FILM, a story of a prospective student who comes to IESE to discover the DIFFERENCE .. to find out what makes IESE a truly unique MBA experience.

Unfortunately, me and my horrible Spanish is in this. In my defense I was having a bad Spanish day. And if you look closely, I am wearing an Obama/Biden campaign button because they taped this on election day.

Jump Club!

On the IESE Wine & Cava Tour...

My Election Day

It's amazing how one man can come into your life and change it forever. Today Barack Obama changed mine, in ways I could only have dreamed of.

I left to Spain to escape the US, but I guess I never realized the real reason was because I had lost hope. I was ashamed to be American. I wanted something more, but I didn't exactly know what.

Today I was waiting at the bus stop when a Spanish lady sat by me and commented on my Obama-Biden campaign button I always wear on my bag. "You speak English?" she said, in broken form. Then without thinking I beamed back at her and replied, "Yes. I'm American."

And I couldn't believe how easy it was for me to say.

For the first time in years I was actually proud to be American, even abroad. I was surprised to note that it wasn't just me who felt that way. American friends were writing me saying that they were finally not afraid to admit their nationality. Facebook status updates equally expressed this sentiment. And I couldn't help but notice it was all because of one man that made me feel that way; I didn't feel it yesterday. It was because he represented my interests. He was my voice. Either call me an idealist, or call me a traitor but I cannot support something I don't believe in, even if it is my country. Despite his noted eloquence and fluffy visionary rhetoric, Barack Obama did actually give me hope. And that's when I realized how inspiring a leader can be. And how one person really can make a difference.

One person. "We are the ones," Obama says. Despite appearances, we each contributed to this change by voting. I made sure to vote from abroad, even if my vote was counted in Texas, because I wanted accountability. Voting is a powerful thing.

Now Barack Obama has a wounded, emotional and lost nation in his hands. He has a lot of responsibility and a lot of expectations in front of him. He has built up so much expectation in his campaign that it could be very hard to satisfy. In this way I only hope the American people be patient and truly give him a chance. Barack Obama is a very intelligent, methodical man. He may be relatively inexperienced but I'm confident he and Joe Biden has what it takes to restore our place in the world as a great and humble nation.

I'm not saying that Barack Obama is America's savior. He will not snap his fingers and make everything better - the economy, the war, etc - he will make some mistakes. He's only human. But he will bring diplomacy abroad, faith at home, good education, good stimulus packages for small businesses and middle class families, hopefully rebuild our ties with Latin America... and generally restore the hope in its citizens that America so desperately needs. And even so, I might finally be ready to come home.

How Good Are You?

Surprising that I am in business school.

You Are 84% Good

You are not only a good person... you are a model citizen and a natural leader. Whether you know it or not, your high moral standards and good judgment is truly rare. You don't take ethical short cuts in life. You are able to do what's right - even when it's very difficult. And while it may seem like no one else is as on track as you are, take heart in knowing that you set a good example for others. You are also probably: Very sensitive and in tune with the world Right now you are on track to being: A saint To be a better person: Gently mentor someone who is taking the wrong path in life

How Good Are You?

My Career Fair & Private Banking Workshop Adventure

Career Fair
Since I've decided to revert back to how I was when I lived in New Orleans, I've been a lot happier with life. I'd have to say that 50% of my happiness has come from my rediscovered freedom, and the other 50% from something else.

Last Wednesday I woke up extra early to pick up my renewed NIE as I was traveling to London that weekend and wanted to make sure I'd be allowed entrance back into Spain. I was surprised at the ease it took to get things done in the usual horribly tangled web of Spanish bureaucracy. I actually was smiling the whole time. So I got my card and had a nice leisurely Catalan breakfast at a cafe nearby before taking the metro back to IESE.

See, Wednesday was also the last day of the IESE Career Fair. I got an email from the Healthcare Club telling us to please visit the Medtronic presentation. Since my good friend Xavi works there, I was going to visit regardless. Was a nice presentation.

After that, met my old flatmate Felix for lunch as he was visiting from his semester abroad at London Business School. After 5 minutes, we decide to go for Santander cocktails. I had no intention of talking to Santander bankers, I was just there to meet people naturally, no networking intention. I ended up hanging out with some first year Americans, who were very pleasant to talk to. Zach and Jeffery and I ended up taking beers out to the patio to enjoy the sunny Spanish afternoon. Soon it was time for them to go to the open career fair, and I had a group meeting for ADVIN. I guess I was too much in the New Orleans spirit, as I did not realize until Zach told me that I was still carrying my beer into the business building.

That night I had a nice dinner and movie with Damiaan which turned out to be a lot of fun. Fun I've never had since college. Wednesday was an unbelievably good day.

Private Banking Workshop
Friday was a little adventure, as I always have airport adventures in Europe. I went out to La Prat airport to fly to London, only to find out that my flight didn't exist, and I had bought the wrong ticket. Hijoeputa! Surely any flight I would take to London would make me late to the Private Banking workshop. I could not exchange my ticket, so I had to pay top dollar for a first class seat to Heathrow and would be late to the meeting. The old me would have gone into a tailspin. But the "free" me just smiled, because I'd be riding first class, and this was a sunk cost anyway, no sense in crying over spilled milk. As for being late, I was sure with my personality I'd get out of embarrassment and shame instantly with a smile... In the big scheme of things, it's not really a big deal.

So my flight was so very pleasant. Excellent service. Nice French guy sitting beside me. Many Bombay Sapphire gin & tonics to keep me happy. Delicious chicken & couscous salad. When I got off the plane, I was all smiles. Met a nice Canadian pilot who showed me the way to the Heathrow Express and to the Jubilee Line to Canary Wharf. Then I was off to Credit Suisse. On the way there, a British policeman complimented me on my accent. It was a great day.

When I entered the meeting, it was like a Boiler Room. My smile may have gotten me through the door, but it was like a roomful of sharks in there. I spent some time observing the personalities of the people, who were the alphas, who were the idiots, and who were the kind souls. I saw alot of the fake banker types. I knew how to play that. So once I figured out what was going on, I tried to interject in the meeting with some thoughts on customer relationships and services. I might have been late, but relationhips are definitely my strength. Don't mess with me when it comes to relationships people. I am the guru.

After the meetings, we had a wrapup and a networking session. I knew through all the ones I've been through before that pushing your business card and sucking up to the MDs really doesn't put you far ahead of everyone else. It just looks like you are desperate. And I understand that there is a certain game you must play, and that these are desperate times, but I believe that real relationships don't start with a fake face and a business card. It starts with a genuine connection, and good manners.

So I ended up talking to a shy looking guy standing by himself. I complimented him on his cufflinks. He was wearing pink & green striped ones with a black striped shirt. It turned out that he was a Private Banker. And I got a lot of personal face time in with him and learned alot about private banking. When I told him why I thought private banking was right for me, in my own words as I didn't have time to make "my story", he told me that I was perfect for it. And that I was looking for a career in precisely the right way. It was very affirming.

After the workshop, met Bala for dinner at this Indian restaurant. I loooooved Indian food. And later we met a couple of fun Australians. The girl was 20, and it was like looking back in time to when I was 20. She was charming and fun. It's simply amazing the different types of people you meet, walking through life, if you take the time to stop and smell the roses.

Best Superhero Ever

Financial Times Guy...

My Trading Diary

"You spill that drink I'll rip your eyes out."
--A very wise trader

Apparently ripping things off is a common trader theme. (That sounded more innocent in my head). I once had a trader boss who used to say "You trade the Yen instead of the Euro again I'll rip your face off." (Didn't say that to me though.)

I don't know. I love the atmosphere in Professor Simon's ADVIN and ALTIN classes. People say it's intense. I find it thrilling.

When I traded currency, we were not allowed to trade without a trading plan, or a stop loss, or without carrying out a specific daily routine (record the fundamentals, identify support & resistance, check the short & long term charts, watch for economic indicators). Here, in Professor Simon's class, he gives us free reign to trade however we wish, but this time, it's through a simulated trading program.

However, he recommends we keep a trading diary. I'm going to go the daring route and actually reveal my trading diary here: all the victories, all the embarrassments, a documentary of real time greed and fear.. all on the backdrop of a financial crisis.

I started trading a bit late, and I have to admit, a bit randomly. I saw the other traders in the class with all their positions, and I felt the need to keep up, psychologically. I saw oil prices falling and oil companies slammed, so I decided to short a few oilfield services stocks, which tend to lag oil companies a bit. Also, I had been deciding on a Relative Value play on oilfield services stocks for ALTIN, shorting one and simultaneously going long one I thought would outperform the other... so I decided to test my theory for momentum in the ADVIN portfolio.

On Wednesday, I shorted SLB at $63.11 and WFT at $16.71. Then I went long one of the oil companies I knew had good fundamentals, HES, at $63. These were stupid decisions. I had no exit strategy. I also shorted MS hoping to bet against stability of their deal with Mitsubishi.

On Thursday, I started to take the game more seriously. Looking at the news and market movements, I went long on RIMM (the makers of BlackBerry) via their analyst upgrade and expected release of new product. Additionally, since gold was shooting up, I took a long position in a gold stock, AUY, which intially made me money, but ended up being a small loser. Seeing as gold prices weren't behaving normally, I decided to cut my losses on that stock. Sold more of MS on news of Moody's downgrade and class action lawsuit. A little bit of stupidity: HES was losing me tons of money, so I tried to get out at a limit price, hoping the stock will bounce and I'd get off with fewer losses, but the stock never did bounce and my losses continued to surmount. I thought it wise to get out now and admit defeat, but the trading program wouldn't let me out of the stock since I already had a limit order in that was not fulfilled and I didn't know how to cancel it. So I sold HES short. Well...

Thursday night I took profits in RIMM because I didn't feel the market would support it going any higher. The European markets were all down, as were the US markets. Economic data was grim, and bond spreads were increasing. The TED spread was at it's all time high of 432 bps. I looked at SP futures and the VIX index, a measure of volatility, and it was up an outstanding 11% to around 63 that night. So I decided to make a big play, just for fun. I shorted the sh*t out of SP Depository Notes (we are only allowed to trade securities on US stock exchanges). This, I admit, is a risky, leveraged play. I would never do this in real life. But I guess I just wanted a little drama. Don't ever try this at work (but you can try it at home, if you want to lose alot of your own money).

The mistake I made was putting in the order after market close, so Friday, when my position was openned, there had been a HUGE gap in overnight trading that my order was executed at a very low price. And I was short. The notes immediately dipped, then shot up to past 90, pulling me to almost the bottom of the trader list. During US lunch hour, I panicked, watching the market go up and down, little by little, the SPY testing 85, then back up to 86, and good god, up to 88. I took some time off to read a case and when I came back, it was at 84 and pulling down. I had made tons of (fake) money! I would have gotten out of the position there, but there was a rule that we cannot enter and exit a trade on the same day, so since my order was executed this morning, I couldn't get out of it today. I looked at the candlesticks on the short term chart and relaxed. I was confident SPY would pull down again in the coming days if I don't get out now.

The focus of my day

So I decided to close out most of my positions for the weekend to reassess the bahavior of the markets again next week. I took profits on SLB, MS, and WFT. I could not trade HES, because I had made that short sell this morning (so now I have a short and a long) but the good news is, I figured out how to cancel that good-til-canceled order, so I can just exit my position at a (hedged) loss on Monday.

My First Week of Second Year

They say that whenever we get stuck in a rut or when we're off on the wrong path completely, the universe will using various signs to point this out to you. Lately, everything has been falling into place nicely, and I feel more at peace with myself. On the first day of class, my Corporate Communications professor cold called me to prepare a speech the next day on something I was passionate about. You can probably guess that I gave one on Barack Obama. It gave me confidence, and my life a little more meaning.

I also started getting involved with the Democrats Abroad of Barcelona, going to campaign cocktail & voter registration get-togethers, debate screenings, and many more to come on the campaign trail. This is something I did not get to do last year, and this fulfilled a need of mine for transcendental motivation.

And in Alternative Investments, I volunteered to act as hedge fund manager in searching for investment positions in a practice hedge fund. This required that I actually take a leadership role for once, and manage people & investments. I never thought of myself as a leader, it always felt awkward to me to be the one in charge of decisions, but this time, I felt secure. I guess when it's right, it feels right.

Sometimes though, it is hard to know when something or someone is right for you. But usually you can tell when it's wrong. And it's only when you know yourself - not only what your strengths and weaknesses are but also how you learn, how you work with others, what your values are, and where you can make the greatest contribution - that you learn to reject the things that are wrong for you and hope that what is right is waiting for you, somewhere out there...

Mi Destino

I’m a narcissist. Part of me actually believes the huge banking crisis is a sign by God pointing me to a new direction in my life. As if to say, “don’t go back into Investment Banking, do something that will truly make you happy. Besides, I’ve basically obliterated all of Wall Street anyway.”

So I’m on it. The second year of business school has begun, and I have another year to do something meaningful with my life. A few days ago, IESE sent us the rights to download the book “More Than Money – Questions Every MBA Must Answer” by Mark Albion about avoiding the traps of MBA culture to find your true calling. It was like God dropped that in my lap too.

“Being clear on what you really want is tough, particularly for high-powered MBAs. It’s important to remain connected to who you are and your inner needs that may have been drowned out by the noise of business school.”
-Mark Albion

One of the “Lifelines” explained in the book is “Don’t get really good at what you don’t want to do.” And so today, I dropped Managerial Decision Models (MADEM) in favor of Marketing of Experiences, Innovating Concepts & Media (MECMI). The truth was, I didn’t have any real interest in taking MADEM, other than getting a leg up on other modelers in the financial world. I have been doing models for 2 years as an IB analyst, and this summer in my PE job. But I didn’t really want to do it. I felt a sense of confidence wash over me because I made a decision based on what I wanted to do rather than something I should be doing to become a person I should become.

“More Than Money” also stipulates that a good way to find direction in your life is to analyse who you consider heroes and why you consider them so. I instantly went to my other webpage where I had posted a list of my heroes 2 years ago: Bill Clinton. Alvaro Uribe. Barack Obama. Al Gore. My Future Husband. Greg Behrendt. Sigmund Freud.

Considering the above, I realized that my heroes were all inspirational people. Most are politicians. But they all reached people with their beliefs, even when crowds were against them. They are strong personalities. They all wanted to make a difference, they did, and they still do. I guess that is what I want to do with my life.

Yesterday I stepped off the plane and into the Newark Airport before departing to Barcelona. And what I saw upon exiting the gate was a Juan Valdez Café. Immediately I could feel my heart leap inside my chest and a smile spread across my face. It was just like the ones I saw in Colombia… but in the States. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe it. Colombian businesses in the States! I felt so inexplicably happy, and without realizing what I was doing, I found myself walking right up to it. The coffee names were in Spanish. They had traditional American sandwiches and yogurt, but they also had Colombian Arepas! And the most delicious coffee in the world. I ordered a Café Cardamomo, with crushed cardamom. It had a distinctive flavour I have never tasted in a coffee before.

As I was drinking it, I read the text on the cup:

“Each coffee bean in this cup has been proudly grown, harvested and handpicked by coffee farmers in the Colombian mountains. This cup represents their hard work, pride, and love for their land and their culture. Juan Valdez Café makes it possible for them to obtain a better living for their work.”

I don’t know about you, but this little statement is more meaningful to me than all the Oscar Wilde quotes on all the Starbucks cups.

I remember the first time I went to a Juan Valdez Café. I was visiting my friend German in Bogota. There were people in line inside, outside chatting, happy, just like the scene at a normal Starbucks. Then he said to me, “You know, this is not what Colombia is really like. In reality, only 10% of Colombians can afford to have coffee here everyday, to have this lifestyle we have. 90% have a very low income.”

And I remember thinking I want to change this… somehow… I just don’t know exactly how.

And so, to tie everything together. Most of my heroes are politicians. I’m most passionate about the US legislature passing the free trade agreement between the US and Colombia, and then to other South American nations. Something innate awakens internally when I come across something culturally Colombian. I don’t know why. I believe it has something about the way Colombians seem so “free”. Same with people from New Orleans. And San Francisco I hear. And I just want to be free. I think from here it seems that I should take a management position in Juan Valdez or some other Colombian company and help it’s expansion in the US (US, because I love the US, know it well, and want to introduce Colombian culture there) & abroad in order to better the lives of the less fortunate people in Colombia. I know this does not sound like a job that an MBA would go around bragging about. It’s not made of money. It’s not Banking or Consulting. It’s not high-powered, self-promoting or glamourous. I just hope I have the courage to trust myself enough with this dream and not be lured by money or status again.

My New Orleans Welcome

A New Orleans Welcome

[Scene: Newark Airport.]

I'm sitting alone at the gate, reading a British Cosmo. Two men with southern accents are arguing next to me.

Suddenly, I sneeze.

Southern Guy #1: "Bless you!"
Me: "Thank you."

I look over, surprised someone actually said bless you. I had been sneezing all day, and no one ever said anything. It made me happy that someone was actually nice.

Southern Guy #1: "Hi, I'm Randy. And this is my friend David.
Me: "Hi. I'm Ann. Is this the gate to Houston? It says so on my ticket, but no one seems to be here yet."
Randy: "Yes, we're going to Houston too. Well actually, I'm taking another flight to New Orleans. I live there. And David here lives in Midland, Tx."
Me: "Get out! I used to live in New Orleans. I went to Tulane."
Randy: "Really! I love Tulane! That's a great school."
Me: "Yeah, I love Louisiana."
Randy: "Me too! I'm from Houma, right outside New Orleans. Lived there all my life. Look! I just got back from Croatia. Let me show you some pictures on my laptop!"

[Really, New Orleanians are this friendly.]

Randy: "I love my job! I get to travel all around the world and the pay is really good" Then he whispers to me, "But my job's really easy. You can certainly do my job. Shhh... don't tell anyone!"

We look at the pictures for a while and I notice both guys had wedding rings. And only the New Orleans guy is talking to me.

Randy: "I'm trying to travel as much as possible before I retire in couple of years."
Me: "Retire? Are you serious? How old are you? Late 30s?"
Randy: "I love you! No, I just turned 50."
Me: "Well you don't look over 40." (He had no grey hairs and smooth skin)
Randy: "I love you!!"

On the plane ride, I ended up sitting next to the other guy, David. I said it was really nice to meet a guy as fun and friendly as Randy. David told me that Randy treats all people like family, no matter what race, color, past, status. And his wife is exactly the same way. How refreshing to meet someone like this in the world. Someone who won't immediately judge or characterize you, who automatically assume you are a friend until you betray his trust. And still, at his age, he retained his youthful exuberance and innocence. He puts himself out there, a very caring, extroverted personality.

And I couldn't help but feel a little sad, because I used to be just like him. The whole city of New Orleans is full of these types of people. That is probably why I loved it so much. It really is a special place, like no other. Now I looked at myself and how guarded and cautious I've become, and I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

I speak often of my wish to feel "free" again. What I mean by that is to feel like Randy probably feels everyday.

Bush: Trade deal with Colombia is in US interest

Finally.

One thing I liked about President Bush is that he pushes what he sees as right. And on this one thing, we see eye to eye.

One step at a time.

Bush: Trade deal with Colombia is in US interest
By DEB RIECHMANN (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
September 20, 2008 8:56 PM EDT

WASHINGTON - President Bush and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe renewed their push on Saturday for Congress to approve a free-trade deal before lawmakers leave town to campaign for re-election.

"It's in our economic interest that we continue to open up markets in our neighborhood, particularly with a nation that is growing like yours," Bush told Uribe in the Rose Garden. "And yet we can't get a vote out of Congress. I've been asking the Democrat leadership in Congress for a vote, and they've consistently blocked the vote."

Congressional Democrats say they are delaying votes on trade deals involving Colombia, Panama and South Korea until the Bush administration resolves questions about the impact on U.S. jobs and other issues. But time is running out on the legislative calendar. The Colombian pact was negotiated in late 2006.

Bush urged lawmakers to reconsider their opposition, but seemed resigned that it might not happen on his watch. Bush called Uribe an "honest man" who has responded to U.S. concerns about crime in Colombia and has been successful in reducing homicides, kidnappings and terrorist attacks.

"What happens in Colombia can affect life here in the United States," Bush said. "You've got a strong supporter here. And after I leave office, it's going to be very important for the next president and the next Congress to stand squarely by your side."

Uribe said a free-trade agreement would help increase U.S. investment in Colombia and provide jobs for people as an alternative to engaging in terrorism, illegal drug-trafficking and violence.

"Free trade agreement for us is the possibility to give certainty to investors for them to come to Colombia, and the more the investors come to Colombia, the less difficult for us to defeat terrorism," Uribe said. "Investment is the real alternative to illicit crops. Investment is the real possibility for our people to find high-quality jobs."

Later in the evening, Uribe was greeted at the North Portico by Bush and first lady Laura Bush, who had invited the Colombian president and other guests for a dinner of gazpacho, petite rib-eye steaks and coconut cake.

In remarks before dinner, Bush continued to pressure Congress to approve the free-trade deal while addressing a crowd of about 150 dinner guests, including members of the House and Senate, such as Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., and Sen. Blanche Lincoln, D-Ark.

"The American people, Mr. President, are proud to call the Colombian people our friends and our allies," Bush told Uribe in the White House's East Room. "My sincere hope is that the United States Congress will pass the Colombia free trade agreement as soon as possible."

In a toast, Uribe praised Bush for his "strong support to our policy" but promised this is not the end of a U.S.-Colombia relationship, which will continue to grow stronger.

In recent months, Bush has tried new ways to bolster his free-trade agenda. In May, a concrete mixer, crates of cauliflower, a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and chunks of cheese were displayed on the White House lawn as examples of a lopsided tariff structure the U.S. has with those three countries.

A White House event in July was billed as a celebration of the day in 1810 when Colombia declared its independence from Spain, but the main message was trade.

Union leaders are not sold on the plan.

On Friday, the Teamsters, which represents 1.4 million workers, protested Uribe's visit, saying he was trying to promote a trade deal that threatens American jobs. The Teamsters and members of other unions and Public Citizen's Global Trade Watch held signs and passed out fliers in front of the National Press Building.

With little hope the Colombian deal will be approved before Congress recesses for the November elections, Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., said that if there is a lame-duck session after the elections, lawmakers could ratify the agreement then.

"In light of recent divisive statements and rash actions by some Latin American leaders, ratification of the agreement would also send a strong signal to the region that the United States stands by its friends," said Lugar, top Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

Bolivia's president, Evo Morales, expelled the U.S. ambassador this month, accusing the diplomat of conspiring to oust him. Venezuela's president, Hugo Chavez, who claims the U.S. was behind a failed 2002 coup against him, quickly followed suit. "That's enough ... from you, Yankees," Chavez said, using a barnyard expletive.

---

Documenting the Financial Crisis

I chose this article because it shows a side of the unique role investment banks play in society that sometimes people fail to appreciate. Although I don't intrinsically support the federal bank bailouts because it shows even more weakness in the financial systems (if we don't even believe in it, how do we expect the consumers to believe in it?), this story I'm sure is not unique to Lehman Brothers, but it does put a little sentimentality in the air. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Asi es la vida. But I still believe everything happens for a reason. When one door closes, another one opens.

Lehman lifeline was critical to chip maker AMD
By JORDAN ROBERTSON (AP Technology Writer)
From Associated Press
September 19, 2008 1:58 PM EDT

SAN FRANCISCO - With Advanced Micro Devices Inc.'s cash reserves dwindling and the chip maker's overall financial health deteriorating to dangerous levels last year, the company was thrown a lifeline by Lehman Brothers, the investment bank now in bankruptcy.

The $1.5 billion in AMD debt that Lehman scooped up in August 2007 demonstrates the important role that banks like Lehman and other investment firms play in helping prop up wobbly companies by pouring money into them when they're down.

The banks profit from the investment in so-called "convertible senior notes" through interest payments and the conversion of the debt into either cash or favorably priced shares delivered at some point in the future. Healthy companies also use the debt offerings to raise money on favorable terms to buy back stock or pay for other general expenses.

The Lehman-AMD deal is a snapshot of a common type of partnership that could be harder to come by with Lehman's bankruptcy and the disintegration or consolidation of other banks.

In AMD's case, Lehman's problems won't affect the Sunnyvale, Calif.-based company's balance sheet, which at the end of June showed AMD holding about $1.6 billion in cash while carrying $5.3 billion in debt.

That's because AMD has already spent the proceeds, and its debt offering was sold off by Lehman to other banks or held by its subsidiaries that are now being sold to other firms.

There were no clauses that required anything further of AMD other than paying interest on the investment and fulfilling the contracts when they reach their maturity date.

AMD declined to comment.

AMD used the cash infusion to pay down debt from its $5.6 billion acquisition of graphics chip maker ATI Technologies and for other corporate expenses.

Richard Lane, a fixed-income analyst with Moody's Investors Services who follows the high-tech sector, said that in today's environment, any company considering issuing long-term debt - even a company with solid fundamentals - could face challenges raising money.

Companies like AMD could also be at a disadvantage in selling short-term debt, also called short-term commercial paper. The strongest, most well-established technology names figure to be in the best position, as a crisis of confidence in the markets tends to drive a "flight to quality" by investors seeking the most stable companies, Lane said.

That includes two titans of the tech sector, International Business Machines Corp. and Hewlett-Packard Co., which use commercial paper to fund their operations and cover the cost of customer financing. IBM could have anywhere from $5 billion to $10 billion in commercial paper outstanding at any time, while HP generally has as much as $6 billion outstanding, according to Lane. Hewlett-Packard declined to comment, and IBM did not return a request for comment.
---

And a song, circulated to my MBA class, which popularizes the events that will soon go down in history. It's one thing when you are reading about these things in the History books, it's another when it is happening right in front of you. These are exciting times. And I wouldn't look at these times as failures. I would look at them as opportunities to change (and I'm not subconsciously pulling an Obama here). There is something just a little refreshing about being given the chance to make yourself over, and rediscover who you really are.

In memoriam: The ballad of the Lehman Bros. banker, sung to the tune of Don McLean¹s American Pie:

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
How much wealth there was in the Square Mile,
And I knew that if I had my chance,
I could make it in finance,
And maybe I¹d have money for a while.
But subprime assets made me shiver,
With every product I¹d deliver,
Bad news in the press(es),
Just look at those CDSs.
I can¹t remember if I cried,
When my salary was pushed aside,
But something resounded worldwide,
The week the IB died.
So bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die.
Why¹d Fuld wait, put all at stake,
Did he think he¹d make more at a later date?
Greedy finance tycoons,
Now Barclay¹s buying, let¹s be frank,
A pretty cheap investment bank,
Can you hire me, real soon?
Well, I know that it¹s a lot to ask,
When Einhorn¹s taken us to task,
Using our balance sheet to guise,
Our level 3 assets¹ demise.
Now Morgan Stanley¹s feeling short,
And BofA¹s Merrill¹s last resort,
The banking system¹s pretty morte,
The week the IB died.
I was saying,
Bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die.
Now for four years we¹d been on the phone,
Selling mezzanine CDOs,
But that¹s not how it used to be,
When Dick came in, we just did bonds,
Good thing he helped us right that wrong,
By buying Aurora Loan LLC,
Oh, and while the Fed was looking Oround,
They thought they¹d try and shoot us down,
The market was all broken,
Bank lending was a croakin¹,
And while we unwind our trading book,
The head hunters all have a look,
The hedge funds are put on the hook,
The week the IB died,
I was saying,
Bye, bye, Lehman Brothers and I,
Needed credit to get better but the credit was dry,
Hank Paulson¹s Fed had carved up the pie,
Saying, AIG¹s too big to die,
AIG is too big to die

Obama and The Palin Effect

Deepak Chopra wrote a piece on the psychology playing out in our country right now via Palin and Obama, posted in the Huffington Post:

Obama and The Palin Effect


From: Deepak Chopra | Posted: Friday, September 5th, 2008

Sometimes politics has the uncanny effect of mirroring the national psyche even when nobody intended to do that. This is perfectly illustrated by the rousing effect that Gov. Sarah Palin had on the Republican convention in Minneapolis this week. On the surface, she outdoes former Vice President Dan Quayle as an unlikely choice, given her negligent parochial expertise in the complex affairs of governing. Her state of Alaska has less than 700,000 residents, which reduces the job of governor to the scale of running one-tenth of New York City. By comparison, Rudy Giuliani is a towering international figure. Palin's pluck has been admired, and her forthrightness, but her real appeal goes deeper.

She is the reverse of Barack Obama, in essence his shadow, deriding his idealism and exhorting people to obey their worst impulses. In psychological terms the shadow is that part of the psyche that hides out of sight, countering our aspirations, virtue, and vision with qualities we are not wanting to face: anger, fear, revenge, violence, selfishness, and suspicion of "the other." For millions of Americans, Obama triggers those feelings, but they don't want to express them. He is calling for us to reach for our higher selves, and frankly, that stirs up hidden reactions of an unsavory kind. (Just to be perfectly clear, I am not making a verbal play out of the fact that Sen. Obama is black. The shadow is a metaphor widely in use before his arrival on the scene.)

I recognize that psychological analysis of politics is usually not welcome by the public, but I believe such a perspective can be helpful here to understand Palin's message. In her acceptance speech Gov. Palin sent a rousing call to those who want to celebrate their resistance to change and a higher vision.

Look at what she stands for - symbolically and literally:

--Small town values -- a denial of America's global role, a return to petty, small-minded parochialism.

--Ignorance of world affairs -- a repudiation of the need to repair America's image abroad.

--Family values -- a code for walling out anybody who makes a claim for social justice. Such strangers, being outside the family, don't need to be heeded.

--Rigid stands on guns and abortion -- a scornful repudiation that these issues can ever be negotiated.

--Patriotism -- the usual fallback in a failed war.

--"Reform" -- an italicized term, since in addition to cleaning out corruption and excessive spending, one also throws out anyone who doesn't fit your ideology.

Palin reinforces the overall message of the reactionary right, which has been in play since 1980, that social justice is liberal-radical, that minorities and immigrants, being different from "us" pure American types, can be ignored, that progressivism takes too much effort and globalism is a foreign threat. The radical right marches under the banners of "I'm all right, Jack," and "Why change? Everything's OK as it is." The irony, of course, is that Gov. Palin is a woman and a reactionary at the same time. She can add mom to apple pie on her resume, while blithely reversing forty years of feminist progress. The irony is superficial; there are millions of women who stand on the side of conservatism, however obviously they are voting against their own good. The Republicans have won multiple national elections by raising shadow issues based on fear, rejection, hostility to change, and narrow-mindedness.

Obama's call for higher ideals in politics can't be seen in a vacuum. The shadow is real; it was bound to respond. Not just conservatives possess a shadow -- we all do. So what comes next is a contest between the two forces of progress and inertia. Will the shadow win again, or has its furtive appeal become exhausted? No one can predict. The best thing about Gov. Palin is that she brought this conflict to light, which makes the upcoming debate honest. It would be a shame to elect another Reagan, whose smiling persona was a stalking horse for the reactionary forces that have brought us to the demoralized state we are in. We deserve to see what we are getting, without disguise.

Through Different Eyes

Today I woke up, saw the flags at half mass. Was a little confused. It wasn't until I was signing a check today and wrote the date that it hit me: It was September 11.

I spent year in Europe. The 2 years before leaving I worked 100 hours a week so maybe life sort of passed as a blur. And before that I was in school. But coming back from Europe and seeing this anniversary memorial of 9/11... I found it sad. Like we were calling attention to the fact that we are still victims. It troubles me. Sure, we need to remember what happened. Sure, nothing will ever be the same. Sure, the world is a scary place. But when bad things happen, I believe we need to address our grievances head on.. and then move on.

It saddens me to read the news today, in the States. Obama. McCain. Palin. The war in Iraq: First, it was about WMD. Then, it was about freedom and championing Democracy. Now, it is about National Security. Apparently Sarah Palin just stated that it was God's will. It seems as though we are very lost. And at the same time, it seems as though we are so enthralled by our inner drama that nothing else in the world seems to matter.

Georgia once asked Ally McBeal the question "What makes your problems bigger than anyone else's?" She answered: "They're mine."

Meanwhile in Latin America, Bolivia and Venezuela both recently ousted the US ambassadors to their country saying that they were no longer welcome. "Hopefully, sooner than later, (the U.S.) will have a government that respects the peoples and the governments of Latin America," Chavez said. Perhaps the most appropriate answer to this is "Porque no te calles?" Or perhaps, there is some truth there.

And today, I saw a woman look through her purse trying to find enough money to buy dinner. All she had was a $5. The plate cost $5.17. I gave her a dollar. There are Americans hurting out there. The shopping centers are almost completely deserted, at any time of day. The gas bill is twice as much as it was before I left. These are hard economic times. And we're lost.

It troubles me.

My Quest Continues

"I actually like the quest. The search. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to."
-ALLY MCBEAL

I'm not exactly lost. I'm in the general vicinity of happiness and self-actualization. I'm just a work in progress. During an episode of Ally McBeal, her therapist told her to select a theme song to describe her life. It has to be peppy. It has to pick you up. It has to have punch. I've always been a big believer of theme songs, and one song struck my senses with the intensity of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle perfume on a hot sunny day to describe my last day in Switzerland was this: "Otra Oportunidad" by Colombian artist Wamba.

On careers, a Swiss lawyer friend of mine had asked me why, since I spend all my free time writing (less) and dancing (more), I didn't consider a career in those fields. I couldn't tell him why at the moment, but then the answer came to me after some thought. When I dance or when I write, it is the only time I can feel free. When I have the impulse, I just have to express it. But if I am forced to dance, or if I must attach structure and deadlines to my writing, I begin to hate doing these things. It destroys the freedom. It destroys me. I learned to keep the artistic side of me a creative outlet rather than a living. If it is forced, for me, it can never be pure. It must come when it comes.

It is said that when there is some confusion about what career path you should take, you should go back to what you wanted to be when you were a little boy or girl...

We used to play this game in middle school. It's a game of chance, where among other things, you have to list your favorite prospective careers and such, and the outcome was supposed to bring together a unique combination of all your favorite things which would amount to your future. On this paper, I remember, I had my future jobs in this order - and now I understand why I chose them -

1) Pathologist (Intrinsically, I like to learn every little thing about a particular subject that interests me -- and some diseases do not have cures)
2) Psychologist (I wanted to help people somehow. And I was always, always interested in personality and the inner self)
3) Lawyer (I wanted authority and respect)

My mentor at IESE said that we choose our paths in life for a reason, and career changes shouldn't be taken lightly. Looking at this list above it was quite obvious why I went into Finance - the extrinsic rewards and the apparent power and respect, the exciting world of stocks, funds and M&A to satisfy boundless intellectual curiosity. Analysing a company now is just as exciting as researching a particular disease was to me back then. And that is why I chose Finance. Though it could have been, and probably should have been, Psychology.

Are You Living the Wrong Life?

Your Life is 60% Off Track

Right now, you're taking things one day at a time. Some things are going well, but you can't help but wonder if you're getting the most out of life. It's time for you to slow down and reflect a little. You can change your life - but it's up to you!

Are You Living The Wrong Life?

My Last Day In Switzerland

Tomorrow I fly back out to the States, it is my last day in Switzerland. What was so refreshing about Switzerland was how polite people were, how well behaved, how clean, and how everything ran on time. What I didn't like about Switzerland was how closed off most people were (I think I had the lowest date request ratio per time spent in an area since high school!). However, I did have some milestones I'll never forget.

- Built 3 operating models from scratch
- Got accretive / dilutive
- Went on a date with a guy in the Swiss military (in uniform!)
- Had aguardiente in Geneva on my birthday
- Actually enjoyed a job for the first time in my life (most of the time)
- Danced salsa on a ship
- Made a Brazilian wish
- Met a wonderful lawyer in Lugano

And amongst these milestones, today I learned I will not be getting a full time offer to return to Zug. I was expecting that for a couple of weeks actually, but I still stayed long hours because I knew I needed to learn. But during these last few weeks, I started to feel like something was missing. I loved my job, but it was so tiring, and I knew in my heart it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

A while back I had written in my journal that if money were not an issue, what I would most like to do with my life is work in some sort of low key financial analyst job, but after work I'd have time to go to dance practice every day. I would learn all these different types of salsa I'd always wanted to learn. Cumbia & zydeco via the clubs. I would learn samba and capoeira. I'd continue Spanish classes until I was fluent. All the things I never had time to do. And when I was leaving the office at 8 or 9PM everyday, although I only worked 70 hours this summer rather than 100 hours a week like in Banking, I still knew in my heart that something was missing.

I believe that if they had given me an offer, I would have taken it, even knowing this. I would spend the last of my 20s in an office, letting life pass me by. Why, because 1) it's a great job and I would be lucky to have it but also because 2) it's security. I won't have to worry about the unknown my last year of the MBA in a bearish economy. But, it's not everything I wanted. What I always fall for nowadays is security...

... But it didn't use to always be this way. I was at an almost identical fork in the road 3 years ago: I had to decide whether to get engaged to someone I had dated for 4 years, and had obviously loved once. He was a medical student, smart, funny, cute, considerate (sometimes)... but something was missing. I guess I always wanted to be the center of attention and wanted a guy to be in the spotlight with me, rather than on the sidelines. Despite it all, I still can't describe what exactly was missing. It just didn't feel in my heart, right, even though it was almost right, or right on paper. Back then I was a risk taker, and took my chances without him. I had confidence in my decisions because everything had always gone right for me. I was hopeful, but I was naive. And at that moment, like I do now, I felt free and that the world was ahead of me... but since then I suffered so much and still have not found that person that feels right. Maybe that's why now I would have chosen security over my heart - because there is no guarantee that it will ever work out. I guess it's just fear of the unknown. They say some would rather live with the evil they know rather than the evil they don't.

But I think the right thing happened for me. Now I know so much more of what I want, and I'll be more selective in my job search, and trust that the right one is out there for me...

The Shadow of Your Smile // La Sombra de tu Amor

This was just so beautiful I couldn't help but post it. A reference to the entry below... the only known time Juanes sings in English (and Tony Bennett sings in Spanish!)

The Shadow of Your Smile - duet with Tony Bennett & Juanes

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #1 - JUANES

The story of the first time I saw Juanes in concert is actually quite sad. I had a boyfriend in college, a serious one, and somehow I fell into Juanes' music. I found out he was coming to perform at Jazzfest in New Orleans. And so on Valentine's Day, my boyfriend at the time gave me 2 tickets to Jazzfest to see him play. I was so excited, I couldn't wait. Unfortunately, we broke up a few days before the concert, and since he wasn't a fan, he let me have his ticket. I didn't have anyone to go with. As it turned out, I went last minute with a Colombian classmate of mine, which was then the start of something spectacular...ly life-changing... But I'll never forget that day. I think it was one of the last times I was happy, you know, that pure, carefree kind of happy.

A little about Juanes... he is really amazing. Like many other Colombian singers I love, Juanes is a Leo (August 9) born in Medellin, Colombia. His interesting name actually comes about when his father used to call him Juanes, a short form of his name Juan Esteban. During the 1980s and 1990s, Juanes was a member of heavy metal band Ekhymosis but disbanded the group in 1998 to pursue a solo career. Juanes is also known for his humanitarian work, especially with aid for Colombian victims of anti-personnel mines. And among other things, he is an activist for the Spanish language and will not himself sing in English in order to best express himself (since he thinks and feels in Spanish) and to promote the Spanish language. One exception was his duet with Tony Bennett for the song "The Shadow of your Smile."

To watch Juanes perform live is truly a soul-lifting experience. I hope that I can recreate some of the magic here.

Juanes - "Me Enamora"

Juanes - "A Dios Le Pido"

Happy Birthday John McCain

So John McCain revealed his running mate today, on his 72nd birthday, which will be Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a 44 year old social conservative and self-proclaimed "hockey mom." Nice move. My congratulations to McCain for a good choice. And while McCain supporters were busy attacking Obama for his choice in VP as an "admission of weakness" I can't help but think of McCain's choice as a cheap theatre trick executed in part to have the appearance of support for a minority group and partially with the possibility of luring ex-Hillary supporters looking for a way to release their anger at their candidate's unfortunate falling out. But the truth is, Joe Biden is no more of an admission of weakness as Sarah Palin is a walking "Look! We care about minorities!" sign on the Republican Party. It's just a running mate. As we know their job is mostly just to break ties in the Senate.

But a "maverick" social conservative? That is the last thing America needs. I hate to say it, but what we need is change. What we need is diplomacy. What we need is intelligence. What we need is limited offshore drilling with an investment in alternative energy sources. I really hope Hillary supporters aren't moronic enough to vote for a ticket just because there is a woman on it. If Hillary's intelligence has any reflection on her supporters I'm sure they won't. We should vote for the candidate, not the color, not the gender, not the age. And if we don't like any of them, we can just stay home.

So it comes to this... a Leo versus a Virgo. Just like an old relationship. And man did we fiiiight... This election is going to be a hell of a ride...

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #2 - JERAU

"Que.. estas conmigo mi amor, muñequita de mis sueños ven a mi..."

It was September 2006, Bogota, in La Kukamakara club when I first heard this song. We were ordering bottles of rum and coke when Daniel, one of my Colombian friends from Tulane who was also a trader in the hedge fund with me (top trader in fact), asked me to dance. He said it was his favorite song. He and his cousin had just seen Jerau in concert that day. And so we danced... and I fell in love with this song.

Jerau (Jerry Rodriguez) is an up and comer from Cartegena, Colombia. Born into a family of actors, he wrote his first song "Buscar Otro Amor" when he was 12. His secondary studies lead him to Bogota with the intent of studying business, but he ended up breaking into the world music stage instead. He's really got soul.

Jerau - "Estas Conmigo"

Barack Obama's Speech at the Democratic National Convention

Even though I am far away from my country, things like this still make me feel like I'm at home. This speech was amazing. Now I'm not exactly the strong patriotic type, but it almost made me cry it was so good. I know it sounds corny, but I have been waiting for a man like Barack Obama to say what I always wanted to say, to share my opinion on issues I care about, to be my voice. And he just did. I know what the media says, that Barack is not connected to the people. Well I feel he is connected to me. Even if he is half a world away.

"And we will keep our promise to every young American: If you commit to serving your community or your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education."

This is the link to the interactive video and transcript.
http://elections.nytimes.com/2008/president/conventions/videos/20080828_OBAMA_SPEECH.html#

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #3 - ANDRES CABAS

This spot was meant to be for Shakira, but since everyone probably already knows about her, I thought it would be more beneficial to introduce another lesser-well known, but equally amazing Colombian artist. (That, and the fact that I have more Cabas songs than Shakira ones in my iPOD.)

What can I say about Andres Cabas? He was born in Barranquilla and his music has become popular due to his catchy and Caribbean sounding songs. His old stuff (particularly Fiesta de Tambores or Ana Maria) is strong on the Afro-Caribean beat and is very authentic, folksy Colombian.

So the following video is a song from his newest album. It is the traditional story about a man not believing in love and feeling hopeless until he met that special someone. And married her. In fact, he wrote this for his wife. The video is very sweet, and surprising. I wanted to post this to show again how utterly romantic Colombians are. I don't think I've ever met a person more passionate & romantic than a Colombian. (Anyone care to prove me wrong?)

Cabas - "Bonita"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #4 - FONSECA

Fonseca is one of my favorite artists, no wonder, because he is influenced heavily by another of my favorite artists of all time, Carlos Vives. A Gemini from Bogota, his music captures alot of the coastal Vallenato songs but mixes them in with catchy-rock beats.

One of my favorite songs in the world is already posted on this blog, it is so romantic, but I will post instead a song from his new album, Gratitud, out this year. His music is simply amazing.

"Enrédame" is another classic romantic song, and how can you not fall in love with lyrics like these:

Con mis ojos cerrados te doy un beso
Ay a veces no se si yo te merezco
Pero me encanta enredarme
Todas las noches contigo
Y si estoy loco vas a vivir
en un manicomio conmigo

Fonseca - "Enrédame"

(An English translation couldn't do it justice. Just one of those things that sound better in Spanish.. Okay, I will tell you this: there is a line that goes something like "Deliver me your nightmares, and I will give you my dreams..." Aww.)

My Text Message

I was woken up by a text message from the Obama campaign. "Barack has chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee," the message said.


Joe Biden has represented the state of Delaware in the United States Senate since 1972, when he was elected at the age of twenty-nine. Senator Biden is recognized as a leader in foreign policy, as well as one of the nation's most influential voices on terrorism, drug policy, and crime. Nationally, Senator Biden has earned a reputation for working on a bipartisan basis with Republican colleagues and bringing real results that matter to Americans.

What Biden brings to an Obama presidency:


Larry King comments:

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #5 - GRUPO NICHE

A list of Colombian artists is never complete without a little salsa. Grupo Niche is a very famous Colombian salsa group formed Bogota, but they are now based in Cali. Cali is considered the "Capital of Salsa", if only for the Colombian style, salsa caleña. In all my years practicing salsa, their song Cali Pachanguero is one of the most classic and famous salsa songs.

Here is a video tribute to Grupo Niche and salsa in Cali. Hope you enjoy the moves...

Grupo Niche - "Cali Pachanguero"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #6 - ATERCIOPELADOS

A-ter-ci-o-pe-la-dos. That sure is a mouthful. This Bogota band was one of the first well known rock bands in Colombia. Their music really is haunting. Andrea Echeverri, the lead singer and accoustic guitarist, now has her own album out. It is beautiful. If you want to hear her individual album, go here.

This band has a lot of depth and is sometimes a little strange (especially their old stuff in the 90s), but they are entirely Colombian. This particular song, El Estuche, is my favorite. Listen to the lyrics, it is something Antonio likes to lecture as well:

Mira la escencia, no las apariencias
El cuerpo es sólo un estuche y los ojos la ventana,
De nuestra alma... aprisionada

(Look at the essence, not the appearances. The body is only a case and the eyes the window... of our imprisoned soul).

Lo que hay adentro es lo que vale

(What is inside is what matters).

Aterciopelados - "El Estuche"

Some of their old stuff (very rock-y):

Aterciopelados - "Baracunata"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #7 - FANNY LU

When I first heard Fanny Lu (Fanny Lucia Martinez), I liked her right away. Turns out she studied at one of the most prestigious universities in Colombia, la Universidad de Los Andes, as did most of my Colombian friends. Actually, I almost went to Los Andes for a Masters in Political Science & Economics but instead I chose to get an MBA in IESE.

"No Te Pido Flores" is one of her most well known songs, it has a tropical feel to it, and in fact I think it sums up exactly how I feel about love:

no te pido que traigas flores
tampoco que me des bombones
yo solo quiero una caricia
que me digas que tu me quieres
no te pido que te confieses
ni que prometas ni que rezes
yo solo quiero que me digas
que no hay mujer que mas admiras

(I'm not asking for flowers or chocolates, all I'm asking is for your affection and that you love me. I don't want you to give me promises, I only want you to say that I'm the woman you admire most.)

Fanny Lu - "No Te Pido Flores"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #8 - CARLOS VIVES

Carlos Vives is truly a monumental singer in Colombia. Born August 7 (a fellow Leo) in Santa Marta, he was the first mainstream singer to incorporate the Colombian folk sounds of Vallenato (which I love) into rock music. If you are used to listening to Western music, his sounds may come as a shock to you. But I guarantee that you won't go into any Colombian bar or club without hearing some Carlos Vives. Before he was a singer, Carlos was a major soap actor on many Latin telenovelas. He's one of my all time favorite singers.

Como Tu is a song about a guy who deeply loves and admires a woman... but she doesn't know it.

"Como tú, la primavera
Como tú, la vez primera
No haya nadie que me quiera
Como tú, mi vida entera"

I think the mood of this song captures the true spirit of the Colombia I've experienced - the freedom, the passion & the dancing - just living life and enjoying it.

Carlos Vives - "Como Tu"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #9 - MAIA

Maia, from Barranquilla, is considered the most talented female artist to come out of Colombia since Shakira (though I think she is much better) and was even invited to perform at the White House for Colombian Independence day in 2005.

This pop song is very beautiful and incorporates the lightest Carribean and salsa influences to make it fresh & uniquely Colombian. It was also the theme-song of El Cachaco y la Costeña, a Colombian written and produced Telenovela that was really much better than all the usual telenovelas manufactured in quantity in Mexico and Brasil.

Niña Bonita is about a girl who wants to be more than just a pretty face in a guy's life.

Maia - "Niña Bonita"

Another Amazing Colombian Artist #10 - SAN ALEJO

So I've decided to pay a tribute to one of my favorite places in the world, birthplace to many of my favorite singers in the world. It's a countdown of the top 10 greatest singers & songwriters - Colombian style.

San Alejo is a Colombian Funk/Rock band whose members hail from Manizales, Colombia. They formed serendipidously when one of the members was invited to perform at a festival in Bogota. Realizing their chemistry together, they initially form a band named El Reblujo, but it wasn't until they encountered producer Jose Lopera and changed their name to San Alejo that they were recognized commercially.

Me Gusta is a very sexy song with a certain passionate urgency about it.

Ansío el momento de tenerte encima
quisiera estar adentro de tu cuerpo caníbal

(I long for the moment to have you under me, I want to do the nasty with you...)

San Alejo - "Me Gusta"

Por Colombia Ojala Pueda Ir...

Perhaps the newest talent to come from Cartegena, Colombia... if you want to escape for a minute from your responsibilities, take a trip through Colombia. This video has a light, carefree feel to it and might just bring a smile to your face.

Jerau - El Viajero

Wandering Around Switzerland: Zurich, Zug, Lausanne & Geneva

Two weekends ago, Xavi came down to visit me and Sam in Zurich and Cham. Cham was boring so we went to Zurich to see how Sam was doing.

Zurich.

We ended up going to a nice, minimalist wine bar for dinner, then down to Longstrasse to wander around a bit. But we couldn't find any decent bars and Portuguese Miguel called, so we met him and some others at a bar in a docked ship by the lake. After that they went clubbing and we hung out in a dark, chill-type bar for some mojitos and quasi-martinis (just ask Sam what they tasted like: salty "something")
Zug:



The next weekend, I headed up to Lausanne for Swiss National Day. We had a BBQ, beer and fireworks. Could have sworn I was in the US. I guess I missed my national day this year, and I got to replay it Swiss-American style. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Yeah, my apartment's on the lake.
Xavier: Your apartment's not on the lake! Mine is!
Me: Okay, it's by the lake.
Richard: You know, you could be in Real Estate.
Me: I could say, my apartment is so great, it's right under the sky.
Richard: Which guy?

That's when I fall out of my chair...

[For the non-native English speakers, say "the sky" really fast until it starts to sound like something else].

Actually, Xavier's apartment really is on the lake:


Next day headed up to Geneva:

Huge... chess... pieces...

Private Banking buildings on the lake in Geneva. Sounds like the perfect life.

That night, there was a festival going on. (When is there NOT a festival going on in Switzerland in the summer?) Later we watched a short salsa performance then headed out to the docks for more fireworks.

After a while, I left to freshen up, and upon going back to meet the group, I was strangely lured by some familiar vallenato music. It seriously pulled at my heartstrings. I just could not avoid it. I followed the music to the Colombian stand where I was welcomed by a big yellow, blue and red Colombian flag and super friendly people, which was a refreshing break from Switzerland. Also finally speaking Spanish again was a refreshing break from not understanding any German or French. And the music was amazing I couldn't help but dance: Juanes, Carlos Vives, cumbia, and of course, lots of salsa. I met a Colombian guy, and his family, and we ended up doing aguardiente AKA "firewater" shots together. And as the sound of Juanes -Gotas de Agua Dulce- filled the air, I couldn't imagine why I ever left Colombia. The people, the fashion, the culture, the food, and especially the dancing... It honestly felt perfect for me.

After a while, the fireworks were over, so I met up again with my friends who were looking for a beer. We ended up going back to the Colombian place, where the music, the people and the drinks were pretty good.
We spent the night dancing, drinking aguardiente, and eating some delicious Patacones.

It turns out that night was my 26th birthday. I couldn't have been happier spending it with great friends, Colombian salsa, cumbia, vallenato and aguardiente. One of the happiest moments of the night was when I was dancing a cumbia song with one of the Colombians I met that night. Colombian dancing just makes me feel so free. And I felt free that night.

Speaking of free, when I came back to Zug I had decided to write off that little investment of the heart I was holding onto. Although I really thought he was special, that our connection was so innate, sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. Especially when he forgets your birthday.