The Day I Sold My Soul (AKA Mock Interview Day)

So here the story of Ann's career struggle continues. These past weeks I have been struggling between Industry and Banking. On the Industry side, I could get a job in Pharma sales, move to the Finance side, and with my background as an Emergency Medical Technician, eventually become a Hospital Administrator...

But it all seems like a pipe dream to me. My Psychological profile says that I am comfortable in fields that are familiar to me, i.e. Banking. I certainly loved it before, maybe it's only a matter of relighting the flame? They say some people are just made for certain careers. What if my fate is Banking?

Today I had my resume critiqued by the banking Career Advisor at IESE. And she asked me, "Why do you want to go back into Banking?"

I said, "Well, because I tried to go to Industry events and they seemed wrong to me. I just fit in with all the Bankers."

She said, "Okay, just wondering, because I tried to leave Banking once, and that's also why I came back." Whew. And then she said something scary: "So you will pick Banking now, right? Nothing else?"

Right then I felt a lump in my throat. I imagined this is how men felt when they felt pressured into marriage. Going back into Banking would pretty much be a huge commitment. And I felt antsy, like my soul (much like a man's freedom) would disappear forever. Maybe it was just me afraid that if I commit to Banking, even though I don't see them right now, what if there are better options out there?

Well, I hesitantly said, "Yeees..." Then I straightened up. "Yes. Yes I will go back into Banking." The truth is, Finance still interested me, but where had all the passion gone?

Later that day, I had my mock interview to switch from Corporate Finance to Sales. I answered all the questions clearly and concisely and even bragged a little about my sales skills. Just when I thought I aced it, the interviewer came to me with a different story.

"You seem so depressed for some reason, like you don't want to answer the questions. You close off and don't show your passion." (That's because I don't have any passion!!) "You know, you have excellent and relevant experience, but it seems like you are only going to Sales because you don't want to work long hours and you want to have an easy life. You are very easy to listen to, but you don't have that punch. Like YES! I WANT TO DO SALES!"

"But I answered all the questions concisely." I said.

He answered, "Yes, but it felt like you were keeping me at arms length. A true salesperson would want to open up and get close to people."

It was funny. Anyone who knows me would say I LOVE getting close to people. I wasn't aware that I was so distant.

"Must be my Corporate Finance background," I rationalized.

But it must be something else. Sure, I was not really passionate about Banking, but was I passionate about anything at all? Even Medicine? I could be. I don't know. But Pharma seems so far away, and Banking seems so regimented, forcing me to commitment through each strategically planned step.

Sure, I can fake it. I can fake passion for Banking, and I can say Sales is the best thing ever. But at the end of the day, I still don't know what I want.

I have a lot of thinking to do.