Things Never to Say to Investment Bankers

So... BY THE WAY... here are some things you should never say to Investment Bankers....

“So, what’s it like working for Merrill?”
(The guy works for Bank of America)

Tapa in hand, you turn to a close friend and say “Bet you don’t think I can fit this whole thing into my mouth!” …. and he is talking to a banker.

During a dinner with bankers, while feasting on boiled crustaceans, you recount your experiences with southern Crawfish boils by saying, “In New Orleans, we eat these all the time. Just pinch the tails & suck the heads!” (You Nawlins boys, you KNOW what I’m talking about!)

Now it's not to say that I did any of these things, but yesterday at the Career Forum (DAY 1)was not a good day for me & Banking. I couldn't sleep all night. Had a cold. Woke up at 6AM, threw on a suit, went to the Citi breakfast. When I found out they weren't hiring for Capital Markets, I was a little disappointed. Had to cross them off my list. Went to their presentation anyway. Didn't get a business card holder. :-(

By the Lehman presentation, my cold medication started seriously kicking in, and I felt like floating. I didn't know what to ask the bankers, so I rightfully kept my mouth shut. Was the same through the Merrill presentation. I'm sure the Bankers thought I had no drive. And was on drugs.... (my sleepy-stoned expression must have gave it away).

So I went to Amgen to see if I could try my luck at Pharma. Ended up passing notes all session with Daamian. Went up to talk to the Pharma guys. They seemed so uninterested in me. Felt a little sad. And still drugged.

At the career forum panel, I tried to talk to some Bankers. The whole thing went over horribly! I was so used to being over on the other side with students coming to talk to ME, that I had forgotten how horrible the process could be. I just couldn't seem to make a good impression. And I felt feverish.

All in all I was feeling pretty down and out. I thought maybe banking wasn't for me.... maybe the month I was away from it I had become slovenly unkept... and average. Maybe I'd never be a banker again. I didn't know what to do with my life.

Then suddenly, it was time for cocktails at Lehman. We had tapas and drinks. And I had a fantastic conversation with a Director of Equity Derivatives. Lehman was it, I thought. I loved the culture. Fantastic bank.

Before I had a chance to catch my breath was the Merrill dinner at Botafumerio, apparently one of the best restaurants in Barcelona. (Apparently, because that is where the Morgan Stanley dinner will also be). We had a great time, lots of seafood, and lots of champagne and white wine. The Merrill banker from Global Markets was really nice. I look forward to applying. I believe I got my confidence in Banking back. Hurray.

So I head to bed around 130AM, only to get up the next day at 6AM (DAY 2) for the Lehman informational, which was actually a mini interview. I think I did alright, but not impressive. Lehman was still my first choice.

After Lehman was the JPMorgan presentation, which was pleasant. I have always, always liked and admired JPMorgan but somehow I didn't quite fit into the culture. Today was no exception. Everyone was so nice, but it seemed I was a little too excentric. Well, to me at least. JPMorgan is still at the top of my list. (Behind Lehman).

I was pretty stressed from Banking presentations and starving from not having breakfast when the American Express guys came in. Each one seemed so Disney special happy. They all loved their jobs. They were so... nice. And carefree. And shiny. They showed us witty advertisements the whole time. And they said "why spend your life in banking when you could come work for us. You will actually have time for a life. We care about all of you. We hold your hand. You have alot of vacation..." And I thought, "Wow. These people are scaring me. They are waving a form of Never-Neverland in front of me and I'm scared. No more struggling in Banking not knowing what's going on; they'll hold my hand. No more long nights at the office; they don't work late. No more fancy suits and starched shirts; you can relax now. Wow. This was not for me."

Maybe I was too scared to face the fact that I could actually have a good life, that I don't always have to strive to be the best or have the most prestigious job. Just what does Ann want? Well I don't know. Why was I so disillusioned that I honestly thought I didn't deserve to have a good life, and that I must always stay in Banking and whither away under Type A stress all night in a hallogen-light cubicle. Maybe Banking wasn't for me....

Until I met Barclays.... and they had me at hello.... or rather "And here are some numbers showing how good we are, and here are some other numbers, and... Now, do you have any questions for us?" It was so refreshingly honest. They had the reputation of being the fun bank, with nice people. I wouldn't have guessed it by how seemingly intimidating the speaker was, but he was actually really nice. When a collegue of mine had to sit down because her shoes hurt so bad, he went to bring her a chair. What a gentleman. I was so impressed. And he was Head of Global Markets. He told me he was the biggest nerd when he was younger. He also said he never turned down an offer to go for a beer. I felt in love. I loved Barclays. I hung out at the Barclays cube all day during the career forum, just chatting with all the bankers. It didn't matter if they didn't work in my prospective department. I just felt at home. And this was a good sign.

One notable mention today at the Career Forum was Pharmaceutical Company Novartis. Shared jellybeans from the Bear Sterns presentation with Miguel during the presentation. It was nice. Anyways Novartis had a strong presence in Spain and a great Pharma rotational program with only 6 months in sales, then the other year and a half in Finance & Marketing. It felt perfect for me. But again, the reps didn't seem to be too interested in me. Perhaps I didn't know how to talk to people in Industry, and perhaps I came off as too aggressive. I'll send my CV anyway.

*****

What was interesting to me was that today, after lunch I sat out on the patio and watched some company representatives talk outside. What I noticed was subtly striking. There was one guy in Industry talking with a banker from Deutsche Bank. The Industry guy wore a lavender shirt, fun patterned tie, and wore sunglasses on his head. He had a broad smile and seemed to be so relaxed. And the banker, she wore a black skirt suit and crisp white button down shirt and her hair tied neatly in a low ponytail. She looked so professional but a bit cold. I looked at the two and I saw who I was (the banker) and who I was afraid to be (Industry). And I couldn't help but wonder, if I leave Banking, will I leave my entire identity as well?