Wall Street Women

I have a love-hate relationship with Finance. Some days I hate it, despise it, even say that I loathe it with the fire of a thousand suns...

But today I felt in love.

Today I had the priviledge of attending a panel discussion entitled "Women in Investment Banking" as a way of networking with other women in IBD (almost sounds like a disease, doesn't it?) and capital markets. Lehman Brothers presented. I really liked it. But the strange part was that I felt that I belonged there already. It was an interesting feeling. I waltzed in with a nice suit, asked prominent questions, displayed my knowledge of the industry, whipped out business cards and left.

But lately I've been struggling since leaving Banking with the question: WHO AM I? Am I a financier? Am I a sales person? Am I an entreprenuer? Or am I a politician? Or... as my flatmate Felix suggested, Am I a diplomat? I believe that I'm all those things, and all those things are personified in Wall Street Women.

Today I realized that I was drawn to Finance again. I really liked Equity Sales! I felt passionate again, and sure of myself. But was it because it was something familiar, or was it because we were meant to be? Am I too afraid to take a chance somewhere else, or is it just because my instincts are guiding me? The banking train was moving fast and if I blinked I would miss it. I had to get on.

But did I want to go back to the US? Did I have ties there? I feel somewhat wary leaving so much of my life up to fate. Banking interviews are coming soon, and real-time offers will be made by the end of next year. I still don't know whether I want to work in Spain, London, US or Netherlands.

When I walked home this song from No Doubt came on my IPOD... and I felt like it described perfectly my relationship with Finance:

"RUNNING" NO DOUBT

Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated....